Going to school, the most basic part of a child's life, was an anxious impossibility. During my teens, I would lie in bed each morning paralyzed with fear at the thought of going to school. I would cry, hyperventilate, faint, even stand by the front door catatonic, unable to leave the house.
My mother, a single parent, was incredibly supportive. Yet she couldn't understand why her daughter, who was always a good student, could not go to school. She feared I was beat up or touched inappropriately but neither happened. The onset of my school phobia was inexplicable.
Some family members, friends and educators thought I was just looking acting out or being a rebellious truant. I felt worthless, ashamed, like a freak.
School phobia took a toll financially. Mom took many days off work to bring me to specialist after specialist to find something medically wrong with me. But there was nothing; an obvious relief to Mom, a mixed blessing for me. If there was nothing wrong with me, then what the hell was wrong with me!
It was easy for teachers and counselors to say all Mom had to do was force me to go. Forcing a phobic kid to go to school is not on the same level as making a kid eat their veggies. The emotional damage could be enormous considering most school phobics become clinically depressed, even suicidal.
I'm 31 and I still have no idea how I overcame my school phobia ultimately graduating from college. I still have periodic panic attacks , which I believe will happen from time to time for the rest of my life. I am not a therapist and can not say for certain whether all school phobic kids are predisposed to a lifelong battle with panic. I do believe that alternative ideas toward formal education, namely the acceptance of home schooling, could help phobic kids and their families have something of a normal life.
School Phobia
by Tara Meehan
Going to school, the most basic part of a child's life, was an anxious impossibility. During my teens, I would lie in bed each morning paralyzed with fear at the thought of going to school. I would cry, hyperventilate, faint, even stand by the front door catatonic, unable to leave the house.
My mother, a single parent, was incredibly supportive. Yet she couldn't understand why her daughter, who was always a good student, could not go to school. She feared I was beat up or touched inappropriately but neither happened. The onset of my school phobia was inexplicable.
Some family members, friends and educators thought I was just looking acting out or being a rebellious truant. I felt worthless, ashamed, like a freak.
School phobia took a toll financially. Mom took many days off work to bring me to specialist after specialist to find something medically wrong with me. But there was nothing; an obvious relief to Mom, a mixed blessing for me. If there was nothing wrong with me, then what the hell was wrong with me!
It was easy for teachers and counselors to say all Mom had to do was force me to go. Forcing a phobic kid to go to school is not on the same level as making a kid eat their veggies. The emotional damage could be enormous considering most school phobics become clinically depressed, even suicidal.
I'm 31 and I still have no idea how I overcame my school phobia ultimately graduating from college. I still have periodic panic attacks , which I believe will happen from time to time for the rest of my life. I am not a therapist and can not say for certain whether all school phobic kids are predisposed to a lifelong battle with panic. I do believe that alternative ideas toward formal education, namely the acceptance of home schooling, could help phobic kids and their families have something of a normal life.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Tara runs a blog about her school phobia at schoolphobic.blogspot.com