So Paramedic SuperMonkey has posted his rules (or things his patients should know)and invited people to respond with their own. I thought I would make a post of it. Thanks SuperMonkey for kicking my writers block in the teeth!
Rule NUMERO UNO! All life threatening emergencies come first. I don't care about your stubbed toe from 1962 or your great aunt Berthas high blood pressure. I will work on the important things like A-i-r-w-a-y. (You know air goes in and out)So don't whine when I cut you off to ask about your breathing, chest pain or other potentially bad problem.
#2. If you are not dying please don't compare yourself to someone who may be. Just because you don't like the fact that the cops removed contraband from your no-no spot and now it hurts that doesn't mean you are anywhere close to a guy shot in the back. No game of " but what if I was...." with the medics please.
#3 No eating your lunch in the back of my truck. If you are so sick you have to go to the ED than you don't get to bring your Mickey D's with you. (I made an exception for the guy who got robbed and beaten to a pulp. They took everything but left him his Church's chicken dinner. The chicken came with us.)
#4. Be nice. I don't need to listen to you call me,my crew,the cops or the engine company any sort of names. I can and will put you out of my truck. Or you'll get the needle with the happy juice to shut you up. I don't know how you talk to people in your house but you will not talk to me that way in mine.
#5 This goes with number 4. Don't try to destroy my stuff. It's expensive stuff and I like to have it in working order. Someday it may save your sorry butt. The consequences for breakage of this rule are the same as number 4.
#6 Do not tell me how to do me job. I have a pretty good track record of helping folks out so please allow me to do my job. That also means I have to ask you questions usually a great many questions. I will in turn listen to what you have to say about what has been done to you in the past that made things easier or better. Just don't tell me I don't know what I am doing. You called me. We have to have a measure of trust here.
#7 Lastly keep your hands and arms inside the rails of the stretcher at all times.(feet and legs too) You are not helping by grabbing the door jams at home, the doors of the truck or anything else we may pass. In fact it may cause us to dump you onto the floor thus causing you more problems than you already had.
If you can follow these easy rules than we will get along just fine and your ride to the ED will be a much more pleasant experience. Thank you for flying Medic 1.