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"I can't stand to take acetaminophen"

Posted Oct 23 2008 1:20pm
You guessed it. That's a line from a guy who wanted a recommendation for his headache. Something other than Tylenol. It gives him the runs (???). Of course he's been taking Percocet 10/650 QID since this past Valentine's Day.

The little old lady who can't take the generic because it doesn't work for her. So her physician DAW's her hydrochlorothiazide prescription.

The kid who needs every freakin' antibiotic prescription flavored grape. Because he spat up some bubblegum flavored Tylenol when he was 18 months old. He's now 12. And his five brothers and sisters need everything flavored grape as well because mom and dad don't want to risk the same "allergic" reaction.

The sixteen year old girl who can't swallow a pill. Everything needs to be liquid. So she gets a gallon of ibuprofen every month to help with her menstrual cramps. But I can see her gobble down a Snickers bar in two seconds as she's leaving the store.

The 95 pound senior citizen who gets Valium 5 ( DAW ) QID and Norgesic Forte ( DAW ) QID on worker's comp. Of course she smells like the Milwaukee's Best brewery every time she comes to the pharmacy counter.

The methed up crackhead who eats 240 Tramadol every 20 days (paid for by the fine citizens of Pharmacy God's state). Who says tramadol is addictive?

The old lady with the dyed bright red hair and the drawn-in eyebrows who wants something to help her poop.

The 22 year old girl who works as the clerk at the auto body shop. Who brings in a new guy with her each month to pick up her Yasmin and Valtrex. And some Aldara once or twice a year.

The giggling 21 year old college student who comes in with her girlfriend to get something for her " itchy cootchie". Is that a Japanese motorcycle or a shaggy breed of dog?

Paul McCartney and Michael Jackson, who have been fighting it out to see who gets to claim that "The Girl is Mine". Every three hours on the store radio. Since last Thanksgiving.

* * * * *
You all can go over to the lip-care section, buy some ChapStick, apply it liberally, and kiss my butt. Except for you, herpes girl. As soon as these gates are closed, I'm on vacation. Wake up tomorrow, jump in the car, crank some tunes, and head to the beach.
Build a few sand castles, scope a few babes (hope Mrs. Pharmacy God isn't watching), float around the lazy river with the little Rx Deities.

It's been 14 months since my last vacation. Time to kick back and relax. No cell, no phone, no problem.

See you all in 10 days.
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