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Losers, Complaining Losers, and More Losers...

Posted Oct 28 2008 9:40pm
Wakey Wakey, Hands Off Snakey...Now We Do Wake-Up Calls
6:35 We got called to a vacant lot to professionally wake up a sleeping 40+ y/o HM. We pulled up, turned on the sirens, he woke up, we chatted a little, and we bolted. I told him, "hey man, if you're going to get drunk and go to sleep on someone's property, you need to do it where nobody can see you...otherwise, they call us." He said, "jes, sank you vedy mush...I jus sleepink...I dreen too mush las nigh."

A Little Tougher To Refuse The Ambulance While Unconscious...2nd Ambulance Call Within The Hour
8:19 We responded to the local party supply store for a 30 y/o BM, lying on the floor, unconscious (post-ictal). His co-workers said he had a 5 minute long seizure. They said this is the second seizure he's had this morning and the second time an ambulance has come to his rescue. The first time was when he got off the bus to come to work this morning, he had a seizure, an ambulance responded to him, he woke up, and he refused transport. It was a little tougher to refuse transport this time; he was still unconscious. We loaded him up and hauled him to the county patient-dumping-grounds (hospital).

Chest Pains...err...uh...Back Pain For 2 Weeks
9:30 We responded to the temporary home of a 40 y/o, toothless, whiny, WM, CO chest pains. When we arrived, we found out the chest pains were really more like back pain, which he has had for two weeks. He felt it pop two weeks ago, and it's hurt ever since. He said that he tried to get his uncle, with whom he lives, to take him to the hospital, but his uncle "bitched him out" and told him to quit complaining. So, he called us. He walked to the stretcher, and we took him to the nearest loser depository (hospital), and I didn't even hardly 'bitch him out' myself.

Bathing While Intoxicated
11:12 We responded to an abandoned gas station, near the local viaduct (water run-off canal) for a 25 y/o homeless HM CO of big laceration on his forehead. His friend says he was bathing while intoxicated (BWI) in the viaduct (sewer water), and he slipped and fell, hitting his head on the filthy concrete. His friend called 911 for him. When we got there, the guy said he didn't want our help, so we left some bandages and saline with his friend, and we took off.

The Only Thing Worse Than Picking Up Losers For BS Reasons...
13:11 We responded to the home of a 25 y/o WF CO gall bladder pain for the past four days. She says she ran out of pain pills about four days ago.

After she walked to the ambulance, walking by her personal vehicle, which her husband could have used to drive her to the hospital, I asked her, "what were you hoping we could do for you today...did you just need a ride to the hospital?" This seemed like a legitimate question to me. I didn't know if she was hoping to get some oxygen on the way, or if she was hoping we had pain meds to give her, or if she just enjoyed the sweet contamination of the back of an ambulance.

Well...she became irrate, got up off the stetcher, got out of the ambulance, asked for our badge numbers, told us she was going to complain on us, and proceeded to re-dial 911 to file a complaint. Then her husband came out to the ambulance and started swearing at me, saying "Can't you just drive her to the f###ing hospital...isn't it your f###ing job to drive people to the hospital...I would f###ing take her myself, but someone has to stay home and watch the baby." ...Well, fine sir, actually, it's kind of not really supposed to be our job to drive someone to the hospital, just because it's a pain in the ass for you to drive her yourself...911 Emergency Medical Ambulance Services are kind of supposed to be for life threatening emergencies...I thought. These people are amazing...I'm a little bit surprised that he didn't call 911 and ask for someone to come and just babysit.

The only thing worse than picking up losers on the ambulance for BS reasons, is having to respond to complaints from losers that call the 911 ambulance for BS reasons. Within about 4 weeks, the fire department will issue me a 48 hour notice, and I'll have to write a detailed account of what happened. Then, they'll decide if they're going to punish me for my crimes. This is the second time in my long, illustrious career I will have had to respond to a complaint.

Assaulted While Assaulting a Thief...
13:58 We responded to an apartment parking lot for a 58 y/o WM CO being assaulted by a man who was trying to steal stuff out of his truck. He says he went into the apartment building, and when he came out 2 minutes later, a HM had broken his window and climbed inside his truck, trying to steal all of his electronics. He ran over there, pulled the guy out of his truck, and started kicking his ass. His son showed up and also helped kick the thief's ass. Somehow the thief got away from these two ass-kicking zealots. Later, the son called 911 to get his father "checked out." The father did not want to be checked out, so we left him alone. He had no apparent signs or symptoms. He seemed like he was excited and happy that he got to beat up a thief, more than he seemed to be injured or in need of help.

2-Story Fall
14:35 We responded to a building construction site for a 46 y/o WM CO injuries from falling 15 feet from some scaffolding. He said he had some side and back pain. We put him on a backboard and C-collar, which the Pt. removed, because he didn't like the way it felt. He didn't really want our help (he was kind of a tough guy), but the construction site managers wanted him to ride in the 911 ambulance for precautionary reasons. You can never be too safe, I guess.

False Alarm...By Fellow Fire Fighters...
16:14 We got called to a motor vehicle accident in front of our fire station, by the other firefighters in our fire station. There were no injuries or need for an ambulance. Fire fighters call for ambulances, without knowing if there is a need for an ambulance, as much as the ignorant, 911 ambulance-abusing citizens.

Police Rough Up a Drug Dealer...
20:42 The police department called us to "check out" a drug dealer, who they had just tackled and arrested, during a sting operation. They especially wanted us to check out the big bump on his forehead. We asked the Pt. about the bump on his forehead, and he said it was a basal cyste, which he's had all his life. The Pt. had no other complaints. We professionally cleaned some dirt off of the Pt's face, and we left.

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