Happy the Hospitalist has written a wonderfully informative post. I am grateful for the time and thought and expertise he has put into his post. I cope much better with medical issues when somebody takes the time to sit down and talk about issues. No matter how bad things may be, I cope better when things are explained. I then move on and get over it. If the Surgeon explained things to me the way "Happy" did I would most likely be a happy camper, and not verging on the side of Bitter and Twisted. He is right in saying he doesn't have all the information involved in my case. Which can make it difficult for him to comprehend the true impact my experience has had on me.
My true point of majority of my posts are 'who listens'. Do Doctors and Nurses make comprehensive judgements based upon historical, subjective notes of a patient?
Did they not listen or try to understand me based on my very past trauma? Did they see only a woman who did not deserve explanation because of my past? Obviously my Surgeon didn't believe I was mentally challenged or she would not have told me to go and research my operation. I knew and accepted the complications that I may face. I accept Doctors are only human, and sometimes things go wrong. But what if things always seem to keep going wrong?
Then why could the Surgeon then go onto yell at me, ridicule me when I couldn't eat. She told me I had an ileus. Eating will clear the blockage. Why did she ignore my plea's when in excruciating pain. Turn her back and walk away when I asked basic questions like "Is this supposed to still be leaking? Why did she lie when she said no bowel obstruction showed up on C.T. I have two reports here. I have alot of whys.
Both conflicting discharge reports. One dated 22/02/08 states: "C.T. abdomen showed Bowel Obstruction for which she underwent laparotomy".
The second discharge report report was an amended report of the 1st one states " An abdominal C.T performed on the 30/01/08 demonstrated no evidence of Bowel Obstruction. Miss Bladdergirl subsequently developed worsening abdominal distension,pain,vomiting, and returned to theatre on 05/02/08". This report I received after the surgeon had a rip roaring argument with me on the ward and openly denied the C.T report stating I had a Bowel Obstruction. Why? because I questioned what had gone wrong. I was begging for answers. This isnt about conspiracy nor litigation(we don't sue in my country) This is about trust, and not being heard. Yes I was lied to.. When you have two reports contradicting each other of the same thing after being amended, what is one supposed to think? Especially when their is a report to verify the findings? I write this blog for two reasons, to educate, and to vent.
I have been led to believe by many medical professionals that sometimes you don't treat the blood or radiological results you treat the patient. "Happy" is right not all what you see on scans is true. Yet it can also be said that even if results of a scan say its negative of any disease, that their can still be problems within the patient.
My ex husband who is a Consultant Radiologist used to say frequently how frustrated he was that some Doctors are skipping patient exams all together and relying heavily only on Radiology for their diagnosis.
I wasn't put in the situation I am in today because of just the Bowel Obstruction. I take responsibility for my feelings and reactions. It's not just a blame game. Its raw fear, and frustration.
Firstly with having Bowel surgery performed while I was severely constipated. I did speak of this several times before surgery. I then overheard her say outside my room she could not perform a certain part of my surgery because my bowels were so full of rocks. It was relating to the formation of my catheterisable limb. Now I have constant leakage problems.
Secondly while lighting bolts of pain shot down my right leg several times during a spinal, my grunts of pain were ignored. The leg was instantly paralyzed. A friend held my hand during the procedure, and herd my calls to stop. The leg took several months to heal. The diagnosis was changed several times ignoring the fact I was awake and aware of what happened in the spinal. The differential diagnosis were A. the drainage tube pressing on my spinal cord and rectum, B. Re tractor damage, C. and finally 'Neuropraxia of the obturator nerve at time of surgery'.
Thirdly I was ignored when I stated I could still feel everything including the stitches when my C.V line was changed. I suffered from an allergic reaction also from the chlorhexadine, and the line was placed down too far. It had to be redone. The next time the anaesthetist waited for the local to work and I felt virtually nothing which was great.
Fourthly I bloated, was in pain, was vomiting faeces, burping sulpher, and losing a ton of weight from early on post operative. I was so sick I needed T.P.N. I was told I needed a naso gastric tube. I begged for sedation for his. I understand the implications of having it done under sedation. Yet gastroscopies are done under sedation. I did have special circumstances for sedation. Yet those were ignored, I was denied any relief from an ever expanding abdomen, vomiting, and nausea, and was told to eat instead. Even after C.T diagnosis subjective or not, my pleas were ignored when I explained that eating caused extreme agony, and vomiting. My nurse after my C.T changed my diet card to minimal fluids P.O my surgeon walked in, saw this and yelled at my nurse. This behaviour from the surgeon toward the nurse put her in a stressful position. The nurse in question then projected the same attitude onto me. The difference though between that nurse and my surgeon was that the nurse afterwards held out an olive branch to me. I respect her for that, and she has been an absolute rock ever since.
I have tried also to rationalise my Surgeons behaviour. It is known to all staff involved that the Surgeon has a revolting attitude toward staff, and patients alike. I take comfort in this that I'm not the only one. If the said surgeon was also a fantastic surgeon I would take the attitude as a grain of salt. I respect people who know what they are doing however their crap attitude may be. At least I know I am in safe hands.
Another example of why I have such gross mistrust was when I was in hospital with another infection down the track. I asked a simple question. Could this be pouchitis? I was told no, because my blood, and C.T scan both showed no evidence of this. My reply was 'Um Er what C.T, and blood work'? I had not had either done on that admission. I had an I.V put in but no bloods. The pattern is consistant. I am to be reassured of 'wellness' based on imaginary tests, and evaluations? That is why I have found it hard to completely trust again. Are they lies? Or can the person delivering the news not be bothered actually checking my notes. Which actually looks far worse as then it looks like they dont care and are basing diagnosis and treatment on preconcieved ideas.
Many people have said go to Health and Disability. Both medical and non-medical people have said this. The reason being is 'Do you want this happening to other patients"? Why don't I go down that track? I dunno, maybe I am tired of fighting for my rights. A investigation may lead to the Surgeon being made to do a course or two. But at the end of the day you cannot force a person to change. If it doesn't come from within, if He/She has not learned from their mistakes (I have heard there are more patients in my position) then I'm not sure doing a course will help the person.
I have tried to see her side. I have tried to rationalise why this Surgeon is so bitter, and twisted, and doesn't ever admit to a problem with their patient. Then I stopped rationalising. I have been through hell in my life. I have not used that as an excuse to abuse vulnerable people. I have not used that as an excuse to continually opt out of responsibility. I have taken my experiences and tried to use them more constructively. I don't want people looking at me with pity. Or judging me based on another person committing a crime on me. I am proud of how far I have come. I have survived.
I object to willingly placing my Mind, Body, Spirit and trust into another hands, for them to then take a jinormous dump on my face. My own personal rule is treat others the way they treat you. Respect me and tell me everything. I am not going to over react, or freak out. I will feel reassured that you felt I was entitled to honesty on every level. My current surgeon is doing his best. I am just scared. I don't believe I can ever enter those hospital doors again, and have the trust I had once before. Yet I know I have to go back there. What a bloody dilema.
At the end of the day I want my quality of life back. I only generally start getting all antsy like this when I have to face up to hospital, and yes I do have better things to think about. Yet I reminded everytime I have to empty the bladder that to do it I have to rip the bag off. The bag represents failure.
P.S The infection is still lurking, I Think I'm going to give it a name, and make it a pet. Thank you again "Happy" for just doing the most basic things.......... listening.
Happy the Hospitalist has written a wonderfully informative post. I am grateful for the time and thought and expertise he has put into his post. I cope much better with medical issues when somebody takes the time to sit down and talk about issues. No matter how bad things may be, I cope better when things are explained. I then move on and get over it. If the Surgeon explained things to me the way "Happy" did I would most likely be a happy camper, and not verging on the side of Bitter and Twisted.
He is right in saying he doesn't have all the information involved in my case. Which can make it difficult for him to comprehend the true impact my experience has had on me.
My true point of majority of my posts are 'who listens'. Do Doctors and Nurses make comprehensive judgements based upon historical, subjective notes of a patient?
Did they not listen or try to understand me based on my very past trauma? Did they see only a woman who did not deserve explanation because of my past?
Obviously my Surgeon didn't believe I was mentally challenged or she would not have told me to go and research my operation. I knew and accepted the complications that I may face. I accept Doctors are only human, and sometimes things go wrong. But what if things always seem to keep going wrong?
Then why could the Surgeon then go onto yell at me, ridicule me when I couldn't eat. She told me I had an ileus. Eating will clear the blockage.
Why did she ignore my plea's when in excruciating pain. Turn her back and walk away when I asked basic questions like "Is this supposed to still be leaking? Why did she lie when she said no bowel obstruction showed up on C.T. I have two reports here. I have alot of whys.
Both conflicting discharge reports. One dated 22/02/08 states: "C.T. abdomen showed Bowel Obstruction for which she underwent laparotomy".
The second discharge report report was an amended report of the 1st one states " An abdominal C.T performed on the 30/01/08 demonstrated no evidence of Bowel Obstruction. Miss Bladdergirl subsequently developed worsening abdominal distension,pain,vomiting, and returned to theatre on 05/02/08". This report I received after the surgeon had a rip roaring argument with me on the ward and openly denied the C.T report stating I had a Bowel Obstruction. Why? because I questioned what had gone wrong. I was begging for answers. This isnt about conspiracy nor litigation(we don't sue in my country) This is about trust, and not being heard. Yes I was lied to.. When you have two reports contradicting each other of the same thing after being amended, what is one supposed to think? Especially when their is a report to verify the findings?
I write this blog for two reasons, to educate, and to vent.
I have been led to believe by many medical professionals that sometimes you don't treat the blood or radiological results you treat the patient. "Happy" is right not all what you see on scans is true. Yet it can also be said that even if results of a scan say its negative of any disease, that their can still be problems within the patient.
My ex husband who is a Consultant Radiologist used to say frequently how frustrated he was that some Doctors are skipping patient exams all together and relying heavily only on Radiology for their diagnosis.
I wasn't put in the situation I am in today because of just the Bowel Obstruction.
I take responsibility for my feelings and reactions. It's not just a blame game.
Its raw fear, and frustration.
Firstly with having Bowel surgery performed while I was severely constipated. I did speak of this several times before surgery. I then overheard her say outside my room she could not perform a certain part of my surgery because my bowels were so full of rocks. It was relating to the formation of my catheterisable limb. Now I have constant leakage problems.
Secondly while lighting bolts of pain shot down my right leg several times during a spinal, my grunts of pain were ignored. The leg was instantly paralyzed. A friend held my hand during the procedure, and herd my calls to stop. The leg took several months to heal. The diagnosis was changed several times ignoring the fact I was awake and aware of what happened in the spinal. The differential diagnosis were A. the drainage tube pressing on my spinal cord and rectum, B. Re tractor damage, C. and finally 'Neuropraxia of the obturator nerve at time of surgery'.
Thirdly I was ignored when I stated I could still feel everything including the stitches when my C.V line was changed. I suffered from an allergic reaction also from the chlorhexadine, and the line was placed down too far. It had to be redone. The next time the anaesthetist waited for the local to work and I felt virtually nothing which was great.
Fourthly I bloated, was in pain, was vomiting faeces, burping sulpher, and losing a ton of weight from early on post operative. I was so sick I needed T.P.N. I was told I needed a naso gastric tube. I begged for sedation for his. I understand the implications of having it done under sedation. Yet gastroscopies are done under sedation. I did have special circumstances for sedation.
Yet those were ignored, I was denied any relief from an ever expanding abdomen, vomiting, and nausea, and was told to eat instead. Even after C.T diagnosis subjective or not, my pleas were ignored when I explained that eating caused extreme agony, and vomiting.
My nurse after my C.T changed my diet card to minimal fluids P.O my surgeon walked in, saw this and yelled at my nurse. This behaviour from the surgeon toward the nurse put her in a stressful position. The nurse in question then projected the same attitude onto me. The difference though between that nurse and my surgeon was that the nurse afterwards held out an olive branch to me. I respect her for that, and she has been an absolute rock ever since.
I have tried also to rationalise my Surgeons behaviour. It is known to all staff involved that the Surgeon has a revolting attitude toward staff, and patients alike.
I take comfort in this that I'm not the only one. If the said surgeon was also a fantastic surgeon I would take the attitude as a grain of salt. I respect people who know what they are doing however their crap attitude may be. At least I know I am in safe hands.
Another example of why I have such gross mistrust was when I was in hospital with another infection down the track. I asked a simple question. Could this be pouchitis? I was told no, because my blood, and C.T scan both showed no evidence of this. My reply was 'Um Er what C.T, and blood work'? I had not had either done on that admission. I had an I.V put in but no bloods.
The pattern is consistant.
I am to be reassured of 'wellness' based on imaginary tests, and evaluations?
That is why I have found it hard to completely trust again. Are they lies? Or can the person delivering the news not be bothered actually checking my notes. Which actually looks far worse as then it looks like they dont care and are basing diagnosis and treatment on preconcieved ideas.
Many people have said go to Health and Disability. Both medical and non-medical people have said this. The reason being is 'Do you want this happening to other patients"?
Why don't I go down that track? I dunno, maybe I am tired of fighting for my rights. A investigation may lead to the Surgeon being made to do a course or two. But at the end of the day you cannot force a person to change. If it doesn't come from within, if He/She has not learned from their mistakes (I have heard there are more patients in my position) then I'm not sure doing a course will help the person.
I have tried to see her side. I have tried to rationalise why this Surgeon is so bitter, and twisted, and doesn't ever admit to a problem with their patient. Then I stopped rationalising. I have been through hell in my life. I have not used that as an excuse to abuse vulnerable people. I have not used that as an excuse to continually opt out of responsibility. I have taken my experiences and tried to use them more constructively.
I don't want people looking at me with pity.
Or judging me based on another person committing a crime on me. I am proud of how far I have come. I have survived.
I object to willingly placing my Mind, Body, Spirit and trust into another hands, for them to then take a jinormous dump on my face.
My own personal rule is treat others the way they treat you. Respect me and tell me everything. I am not going to over react, or freak out. I will feel reassured that you felt I was entitled to honesty on every level. My current surgeon is doing his best. I am just scared. I don't believe I can ever enter those hospital doors again, and have the trust I had once before. Yet I know I have to go back there. What a bloody dilema.
At the end of the day I want my quality of life back. I only generally start getting all antsy like this when I have to face up to hospital, and yes I do have better things to think about. Yet I reminded everytime I have to empty the bladder that to do it I have to rip the bag off. The bag represents failure.
P.S The infection is still lurking, I Think I'm going to give it a name, and make it a pet. Thank you again "Happy" for just doing the most basic things.......... listening.