I realize that this is a post most people won't understand...
Posted Jan 31 2009 12:00am
But you will never know what it feels like to have every decision, and every word scrutinized for its accuracy. Now, before I go on I want to say that I know that the people who say something have only my best interests in mind, but it still give a stroke victim (or anyone else who has a problem communicating) a sense that everyone is just waiting for you next mistake. It really gives you a sense that every word you say is checked for it accuracy.
Some people don't know what I am talking about, but when it happens, you will know it. For intstance, the other day I needed to go to the post office and I said the bank on accident. Could it have been the stroke? Maybe. The truth is I probably would say that wrong word before I had anything wrong with me. The truth is that people are more in tune to it now. Before, I might say something wrong and people would just overlook it...now if I say something wrong people are more attune and they bring it to my attention. Now, as I said before, it is something that I just have to get used to because the people who say something have my best interests in mind. (I guess you could say it this way...am I asking them to STOP saying something to me when I get it wrong, no. I just want people to be aware that I am aware of it and it bothers me about me, not about them).
It will be something I have to carry for (presumably) for the rest of my life. I will probably always have a slight speech problem. If I don't, fine. But I am planning on it. So, for the next who-knows-how-many-years I will have to plan on my speech being scrutinized. (Just a side note, I think I pay more attention to my speech problem than anyone else. For instance, I was just talking with someone the other day and they said that if I did not tell them I had a stroke, they would not have guessed.) So, I just have to get used to keeping my feelings to myself about my speech. This will probably be the only post about this on this blog.