All peoples tolerance levels differ greatly. Tolerances to pain, loss, life. Some people are great copers. Many people have awesome tools that have been passed onto them from past generations. You generally can tell the ones that haven't been passed on any form of coping skills. The medical bloggisphere see all the variances. I know myself I had to develop my own coping skills to ensure resilience against the odds. It has been a hard, nasty, degrading journey which has made me stronger. Yes I am guilty of getting pissed at people who continually screw up and blame there 20-30 year old pasts on why they are still junkies, self harmer's, homeless, or who continue to commit crimes against others. You need strength to survive in this dog eat dog world. Personal values on family and extended family have diminished. Relationships are disposable, kids are institutionalised from babies in the need to work and sustain a keeping up with the Joneses attitude. Makes you wonder are the kiddies born in the last 20 years going to be the next generation of E.R dwellers? As their idea of family is an institutionalised environment. Sad.
Anyway many aeons ago I was intolerant. A woman I knew more as an acquaintance came to me for a cuppa one day. I was living in the U.K with my ex. She was a Doctor who had become a mum. A lovely woman. Yet she was suffering some depression from her new status, and subsequent weight gain. A highly intelligent woman, who was skilled in her field. She had left behind in her country of origin her identity of Dr her maid, cleaner and cook to follow her hubby also a Doc and to bring up their one child who was around 2 yr old. She said to me crying, K how do you manage to look after the house ,clean and cook while bringing up your daughter? I was dumbfounded. W.T.F. I had an 18 month old child, just had a Hysterectomy, had recently flown back from watching my beautiful Granmother die painfully and gracefully from gangrene in her feet and kidney failure, from bilateral femural D.V.Ts due to nurses not letting her mobilise. She hardly complained and wiggled her legs occasionally with the pain before the staff realised she had no circulation. Gangrene had already set in. That aside. I went back to the U.K had the surgery, then started my degree. I also had a really shit marriage. So I looked at this woman, thought of my own situation and thought wow. I offerred some kind words, and thunk about it for a bit. Her social situation had changed dramatically for her. This was to her the worst period in her life. I couldnt judge her, I had no right, as what she was going through was very real to her to the point it effected change in her mental status. Empathy kicked in. Just cause I had a shitter of an existance didnt give me the right to not acknowledge someone elses sufferring, which appeared much more minimal.
Maybe the same attitude is in the health services. They see so much crap and sufferring, that when someone comes in with a more minor problem than say cardiac arrest, it doesnt seem as dramatic or worthy of noting. Yup people are sicker these days, proberly because years ago those same people wouldnt have been around for as long to survive dehabilitating diseases.
Once people stayed in hospital for weeks, and had hands on nursing. It probably wasn't needed for such a length of time, but they generally recovered and got on with it, instead of having to cope at home 3 days after major surgery, then having complications and fronting up to E.Ds. Life is faster paced now, more is expected from people. What hasnt changed is that we are all different rates of recovery in each individual is maybe not recognised. Social situations may be appalling, causing stress in an individual which effects healing times. It doesnt make that person a wanker, its reality.
Minimising someones pain be it physical or psychological doesnt help either. Nursing isnt as hands on as it was. It is well recognised that touch is incredibly important. Especially in neonates and kiddies. I found being in hospital the only touching I got was painful. I withdrew, and became hypersensitive to pain, terrified of the next procedure. A month of C.Vs and drains, and sutures being redone, and nasty other stuff really got me down. On one occassion I got my blood work done. The nurse took their time and gently rubbed my upper arm for a period of time. I was relaxed for the first time in a very long time. That one simple action of gentle empatheic nurture worked better than any pain releif. Human kindness folks is so important. Im not saying be a tree hugging, vegan, flower power ,l.s.d tripping love everyone person. I have just found that I tolerate people much better if things are put into perspective. I still have no time though for Paedos, Rapists, and people that purposely hurt other people and blame their past for being arseholes. That just doesnt wash with me.
Anyway many aeons ago I was intolerant. A woman I knew more as an acquaintance came to me for a cuppa one day. I was living in the U.K with my ex. She was a Doctor who had become a mum. A lovely woman. Yet she was suffering some depression from her new status, and subsequent weight gain. A highly intelligent woman, who was skilled in her field. She had left behind in her country of origin her identity of Dr her maid, cleaner and cook to follow her hubby also a Doc and to bring up their one child who was around 2 yr old. She said to me crying, K how do you manage to look after the house ,clean and cook while bringing up your daughter? I was dumbfounded.
W.T.F. I had an 18 month old child, just had a Hysterectomy, had recently flown back from watching my beautiful Granmother die painfully and gracefully from gangrene in her feet and kidney failure, from bilateral femural D.V.Ts due to nurses not letting her mobilise. She hardly complained and wiggled her legs occasionally with the pain before the staff realised she had no circulation. Gangrene had already set in. That aside. I went back to the U.K had the surgery, then started my degree. I also had a really shit marriage. So I looked at this woman, thought of my own situation and thought wow. I offerred some kind words, and thunk about it for a bit. Her social situation had changed dramatically for her. This was to her the worst period in her life. I couldnt judge her, I had no right, as what she was going through was very real to her to the point it effected change in her mental status. Empathy kicked in. Just cause I had a shitter of an existance didnt give me the right to not acknowledge someone elses sufferring, which appeared much more minimal.
Maybe the same attitude is in the health services. They see so much crap and sufferring, that when someone comes in with a more minor problem than say cardiac arrest, it doesnt seem as dramatic or worthy of noting. Yup people are sicker these days, proberly because years ago those same people wouldnt have been around for as long to survive dehabilitating diseases.
Once people stayed in hospital for weeks, and had hands on nursing. It probably wasn't needed for such a length of time, but they generally recovered and got on with it, instead of having to cope at home 3 days after major surgery, then having complications and fronting up to E.Ds. Life is faster paced now, more is expected from people. What hasnt changed is that we are all different rates of recovery in each individual is maybe not recognised. Social situations may be appalling, causing stress in an individual which effects healing times. It doesnt make that person a wanker, its reality.
Minimising someones pain be it physical or psychological doesnt help either. Nursing isnt as hands on as it was. It is well recognised that touch is incredibly important. Especially in neonates and kiddies. I found being in hospital the only touching I got was painful. I withdrew, and became hypersensitive to pain, terrified of the next procedure. A month of C.Vs and drains, and sutures being redone, and nasty other stuff really got me down. On one occassion I got my blood work done. The nurse took their time and gently rubbed my upper arm for a period of time. I was relaxed for the first time in a very long time. That one simple action of gentle empatheic nurture worked better than any pain releif. Human kindness folks is so important. Im not saying be a tree hugging, vegan, flower power ,l.s.d tripping love everyone person. I have just found that I tolerate people much better if things are put into perspective.
I still have no time though for Paedos, Rapists, and people that purposely hurt other people and blame their past for being arseholes. That just doesnt wash with me.