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Husband Wife Jokes

Posted Mar 05 2009 5:10am

Wife: Honey..... What are You Looking for?
 Husband:  Nothing.
 Wife: Nothing...?? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an   hour??
 Husband: I was just looking 4 the expiry date.
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 Q - What is the Difference between Mother & Wife?
 A - One Woman Brings you into this world crying... and the other   ensures you Continue to do so.
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Wife: Do you want dinner?
 Husband: Sure, what are my choices?
 Wife: Yes and no.
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Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
 Husband: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at   your picture and the problem disappears.
 Wife: You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
 Husband: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other  problem can there be greater than this one?"
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Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.
 Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or  troubles.
 Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet.
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A newly married man asked his wife,  "Would you have married me if   my father hadn't left me a  fortune?"
 "Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married  you NO MATTER  WHO LEFT YOU the FORTUNE"
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Father to son after exam: "let me see your report  card."
 Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
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Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?"
 Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
 Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you  married her?"
 Millionaire:  "Billionaire"
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Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.
The guy replies: Thanks for the warning. hahahahaha
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A wife asked her husband:  "What do you like most in me my pretty  face or my sexy  body?"
 He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of   humor.
Man receives telegram  saying  Wife dead-should be buried or cremated?
The man replied :   Don't take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.
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