how to strike a pose!!
I really miss that time at school when we would all collect for Harvest. It would make me remember how lucky I am and how others are less fortunate. The past few weeks I have noticed non perishable food items that would be great...I may pop them down my local church for Harvest celebrations. Not that I have much but sometimes on my online food shop I get carried away with the tinned beans, packs of lentils...it reminds me also how much I would like to participate in a soup kitchen...I think it so important to give a little something back to the community, to those really in need. I watched a gentleman the other day, pulling what looked like all of his belongings attached to a trolley with a broken wheel with jump strings and my heart just went out to him. His face was morose and disengaged with all that was around him. I really wanted to tell him that things will soon get better and that I knew where he could go to be safe and well. I wanted to help him but I felt helpless.
I do wish him well wherever he got to by the end of the day. I do find myself thinking of him often.
My weekend was set to be a big one so I tried my best to rest beforehand but as usual, I found myself swamped by several things to do and places to be. Being extra vigilant of my tendency to go downhill has helped me to feel more in control of life and life not controlling me as much. I find it so so difficult. I wish I could be more selfish sometimes and make time for me and what I need.
I do also wish however that my voice was heard and that a year on I wasn't still having to flag up symptoms related to my abdomen appearing enlarged and inflamed with no real attempt at resolution. Several, and I mean, several scans later I am still in pain and it is really starting to impinge on my ability to mobilise. My work is suffering as a result and that just no good. I then start feeling useless and inadequate which is difficult to bear. This is not how I want life to be and of course I know that its not going to be a bed of roses. I mean, who exactly lives the life of Riley eh? But a little bit of easygoing time would be nice and if I could sprinkle of that around and share with friends, especially those battling for a long time. That would be so so good :-)
My weekend was pretty fantastic. It was the LLTGL (Live Life Then Give Life) charity annual weekender. Well, lucky me is based just a stones throw away from the venue which was a nice touch. All us advocates have been affected by transplantation directly as recipients or friends of those affected. Most of us pictured would not be alive today if it wasn't for someone signing to the organ donation register and the kindness of donor families.
Thing is I just way overdid it because Friday eve, I did a talk with the local Brownies and Girl Guides. I didn't get home till gone 9pm and by the time I settled down to sleep it was like my tac alarm had just rang and I had to be up dressed, exercised, medicated and bag readied to leave out on time. Poor me ended up on the wrong bus (grr!) and so was sadly a tad late.
As soon as I saw everyone, the next 48 hours were blissful, fun and creative. Here are a few snaps of us working hard and playing hard
Yummy dinner Italian style!
Emily getting glammed up by Kirsty
Jac and me taking in a dose of x factor!
Today has been a bit of a challenge in terms of me being able to do as I had hoped. Its virtually impossible to get to work and see through even the shortest of hours. But I have to face the reality that my body is by no means tiptop. I have to respect it more than ever as I do have multiple organ problems. I like to keep this fact firmly in the back of my mind but I am realising that it must be at the forefront. As everyone keeps reminding me! I still refuse to succumb to a doomy and gloomy outlook. But it means I have to say 'no' a bit more and be realistic when thinking I can do it all. Hopefully with the doctors' help I will be at my optimum again...for now I need to be grateful for what my body is enabling me to do and work with that rather than against it.