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Free steaks with every vasectomy - Jeff McCallum

Posted Dec 06 2008 4:46pm

There was this letter to the editor of the Star Tribune titled "FIXING HEALTH CARE: He would settle for a simple price estimate" wherein was written:  

“From this consumer's perspective, when the health care industry "brain wizards" mentioned in your editorial can tell me what it costs for a simple surgical procedure is when I will have any confidence it can really lead in reforming a terribly broken health care system.” 

While the obvious frustration of a consumer being unable to comparison shop or barter for elective surgery is certainly understandable, my automatic response is to laugh. My second response is to laugh again, thinking of the myriad issues that can arise from the simplest procedure. 

Is surgery akin to auto mechanics? Does it come with a 30-day, 12,000-mile warrantee? Am I a Ford or a Cadillac? Will the miscellaneous supplies be factory original and made in the US of A?  

When I developed emphysema after lung surgery and a collapsed lung, should the subsequent procedures have been covered by the hospital whose surgical team did the operation or by the surgeon’s insurance? Or did my insurance simply pay and pass the cost on to you? Can I pay half now and the balance if I feel great after you repair me? 

If I were self-insured would I loudly protest a botched procedure (assuming one would be reported)? Would I need to hire a medical interrupter or pay my attorney a mark-up for the one he hired?  

One can hardly imagine the length of the “guaranteed price” contract for surgery, the number of witnesses, attorneys and notaries required for review and signature; the negotiations over the fine print, the bonanza for the optometrists!  

As a building contractor I see mistakes by architects, clients and contractors. Sometimes we have to halt the job because we cannot get a requisite signature on the change order insuring payment; and if we do the procedure without a signature we may not be paid.  

Perhaps the anesthesiologists should be required to block all pain while keeping our brain and signature hand functional during surgery just in case the growth was cancerous or there were two more gall stones than projected based on the imagining. Otherwise, who would pay for waking me up and putting me back to sleep? Would they staple me up and schedule another procedure at a re-negotiated price? If I did sign a change order could my attorney protest on the grounds I signed under duress? We already know what happens if we can’t pay the bill. 

The auto dealer/auto mechanic analogy is always good here. However, most of us were not born with an 80-year, unlimited mileage warrantee. Nor did we come with any sort of guarantee beyond the strength of whatever extended warrantee (insurance) we or our tax-paying fellows can afford.

I suppose if I went in for service at regular intervals I may not have to work so hard at describing what I think ails me. Take the fast food restaurants that post all that nutritional data. Couldn’t physicians have a big poster somewhere on the wall, handouts neatly arranged below, explaining the price and time for each test which may or may not lead up to a major mechanical overhaul, then have the service manager come out and have me sign an estimate? Avoid the place where they say “Truth is, it’ll cost more to fix than this old heap is worth” or “No guarantee you’ll get many more miles on that engine anyway.”

Even after all is said and done we still do not receive a time or mileage guarantee except perhaps for the pacemaker or the actual breast implants.  

The next time I need a simple oil change or a blood transfusion please have the prices clearly posted on the wall or at least on the sign carried by the poor shill in the funny costume on the corner. And make sure I’m out of there in 20 minutes!  

Jeff McCallum is a commercial building contractor, a stage four cancer survivor and author ofa book of poemsfor patients and clinicians.

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