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Finding My Life

Posted Jul 24 2010 12:00am
In January 2005, I lost my life as I had known it to a condition called RSD ( Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy ) aka CRPS. Although I spend every waking moment since then trying to regain some sense of purpose, self-reliance and hope, that objective remains just out of my reach.

I can no longer work because of the physical disabilities caused by my condition. Due to severe reactions, I can't take medications to alleviate any of the painful symptoms. The extreme burning of my limbs, the atrophy which has my right hand locked in an awkward position. Sometimes, it aches so bad...I think if I could just get my fingers to lay down flat it would feel so good. You know the feeling when you have been cramped up for hours in the middle seat on an airplane? The physical need to just un-bend....that's how my hand feels, yet for almost 6 yrs now, it stays locked in a tent-looking position.

My days are filled with mental "chores". Brain works, body doesn't cooperate. I started a radio show; I broadcast twice a week. It's called "Living with RSD" and some days I wonder if that is the right name. Living isn't exactly the word I would use to describe many of my days. I belong to many support groups for people suffering from chronic medical conditions. But....................

What am I missing? Why doesn't it fell like I'm accomplishing anything? No matter what I do, it never seems to be enough. The days are long and the sleepless nights are even longer.

Any ideas? All suggestions are welcome. When I figure it out, I'll make sure and let you know. Meanwhile, I'll just plug along, do the best I can, get off the "pity pot" and try to help other people work through their "issues".
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