Leave it to my husband to bring tears to my eyes twice on a difficult day. The first time was during an argument about him going for treatment. He resists the process. Thankfully, we resolved the conflict quickly. The second set of tears was due to his FABRYGRAM entry he sent out Sunday night that brought tears of comfort. I hope you find the same--whatever mountain you may be climbing.
"I wandered in the Tucson airport a few weeks ago, looking for a quiet place to sit. There was only one spot I could find with lots of empty seats. A woman sat in the corner with her back to me. But when I sat, I realized why she had her back to me. The gurgling and cooing gave it away. I hadn’t noticed the baby blanket over her shoulder. She was nursing. The sound echoed off the concrete wall and into my memory.
The days of Andrea suckling a newborn are gone.
“Could you get me a glass of water?” is a phrase seared into my memory. The soft patting, the escape of air from both ends of the child, the satisfying grunts of an infant. It struck me that I will never again hear those sounds from my own children.
Gone are the days of strollers and carseats and diapers and bottles. Well baby visits. Lost pacifiers. Plastic spoons with cartoon heads. A lot of these things I don’t mind, of course. Who would long to change another diaper? But there was something life-giving, something pure and wonderful about caring for someone who could not care for himself or herself.
We have been helpless as a family for a few months, wandering in the desert, trying to get better, trying to dig our way out of a toxic hole. The lawyers tell me it will be 12-18 months before we have any hope at resolution to our situation with the house. Health-wise, it could be the same amount of time before we see major turns for good.
But we continue to improve and exercise and try.
And people continue to help us. It astounds me. I checked out at Walmart today with nothing but gift cards from generous friends around the country. (The guy behind me wasn’t as grateful as I was because it took a bunch of swipes for those cards to go through. If he only knew.)
God doesn’t mind our crying or gurgling or any other noise we make. He has been patting our backs and comforting us all the way, unconcerned about the length of time it will take to heal. He knows the beginning from the end. He can redeem gone days."