Today is our 11Th anniversary, it is really strange to think that it has already been 11 years since we had our wedding in Denmark. What is even more strange is that I have now lived in American for a full 11 years. I already mused about my feelings about patriotism in an earlier post, so I will spare you again. This time, my ramblings will be about marriage, itchy feet, children or lack there of, and belonging.
Most of you know what it is like to either be married or to be in a long term relationship, there are ups and downs, and we all experience issues from time to time, but overall, if you stay married the issues are either minor or you are able to work them out. It is the same for Tom and me. We do have the added issue of the redheaded stepchild that decided to move in. Sometimes the MD does make things tough on our marriage, not 'I want to divorce you' tough, but it requires better than average communication skills! I need to learn that because Tom loves me and doesn't want to live without me, he does not mind helping me, even when it really is annoying or inconvenient. I am really bad at projecting my thought and feelings onto him, NOT A GOOD QUALITY, but a habit that is hard to break none the less.
Over the past 11 years we have lived in a few places, it took us (probably me) a while to find a place where I felt truly at home. In Nebraska I missed the ocean, and there was way to much sky, something you can only understand and appreciate if you grew up by the ocean. I have noticed that people in the Midwest are exactly opposite to that, which is probably a good thing or we would all have to live off of seafood and no one would be growing corn and other crops for us! We finally ended up in Tallahassee after a couple of detours in Nebraska and South Florida. Tallahassee is home and I will be staying here for a long time. There isn't too much sky, and if I want to see the ocean I can do that within an hour. Tom feels much the same, we have both found a place to call home.
While itching our feet around the Midwest and Southwest Florida, we never really gave the issue of having children much thought, we weren't settled, we were by the way also way to young to be parents ?!?!? You name the excuse and we had it. The strange thing is that after the diagnosis of MD, it became a little bit of an issue, not a huge issue, but nonetheless an issue that once in a while rears its ugly head. I think my clock started ticking a little faster than it should. Technically there should be nothing keeping us from having children, I will not pass the curse on to them unless Tom is also a carrier, and a genetic blood test can determine that. I have read articles about women with MD who have successfully had children without any regrets or major issues, but yet I feel that the decision was made for me. Does that make me selfish? I am afraid that if we were to choose to have children, that my condition would worsen, and to be honest that is the last thing I want! I also don't think it would be fair to bring children in to this world, knowing that their mother is disabled, and may become even more disabled as time goes along. I think it would put an unnecessary burden on them, as they would by default be forced to help me with things other kids would not have to help a parent do! Some people will probably say that it is not a burden, and that the children would gladly help me out. They might be right, I just could not take on that responsibility. What I do wonder about though is, does it make me selfish to choose not to have children just because there is a chance my condition could worsen faster? Other women with MD said that it was a price worth paying. Tom loves kids and kids love Tom, am I taking something away from him? I know there are options apart from "making" your own, but I will not bore you with those :-)
The past 11 years have been a bumpy ride for me, I've had to find home in a new country, I've had to learn to fit in, I've been diagnosed with MD, but there has been one stable throughout the whole thing, Tom!