100% tube free!! (Or Decannulated in medical speak)
Posted Sep 02 2010 3:30pm
As of 8am this morning, I am 100% tube free!! No oxygen, no feeds, no IVs and most of all no Trach!!!
Last night was difficult. Once the distractions had gone, my breathing kept catching, I could tell I was thinking about it. I remember before I had any breathing issues, when you think about your breathing it just feels weird. I guess this is the same thing, but slightly more extreme. But I also knew that my breathing once asleep, would sort itself naturally.
And it did! I slept amazingly well. I did not wake up coughing, I did not get into a position where I couldnt breathe and have to move quickly. I didnt have to search for tissues or change tubes in the middle of the night. I just slept and slept soundly. The nurse on even commented about how asleep I was. She came to check my oxygen levels but could not get me to wake easily so she just ran the check and I slept through it.
So the docs came on rounds today and said I had done well and so right there and then, they took the trach out. I still have to be careful and let the hole heal over, but that is the easy bit. I then jumped in the shower. It is the first time in months that I have felt the urge to get a shower, usually I run the other way as much as I can. The thought of protecting my neck, then dealing with ties and dressings as well as the effort of breathing and finishing a shower and getting dressed. But this shower was easy.
I then met mum, dad and Cam for breakfast in the restaurant. Again, walked there and back, no coughing, no gasping it was pretty easy. It felt amazing.
Admittedly, when I got back to the ward, I was exhausted. I literally curled up in bed and slept for 5 hours straight. Slept through lunch, slept through many texts and even slept through observations again.
It took me a while to wake up and I still felt like I could have slept longer, but I slept well and comfortable. Mum and dad came and took half my stuff out the hospital. Doctors say if there are no complications tonight, I can go home tomorrow!!
Having a few minor complications, like I keep getting an air bubble in my neck and when I turn my head it makes a loud rude noise, but again, Im pretty sure this will pass and I am not worried.
Also, did a lap around the hospital with Cam. Again this felt wonderful, I was walking faster than I have in a year and not feeling uncomfortable. It is amazing how good it feels to breathe.
Physically, my body is doing great. Now I just need to stop trying to rush myself and allow my mind to catch up. I had this horrible feeling before that I just couldnt shift. A kinda restless, agitated, anxiety. I guess my mind knows things are about to change, but not how they are going to change.
For the past year, as much as I have fought it, I have been defined by my illness. It dictated everything I did or didnt do. From Money, to social, to educational and everything. Now however, all that is about to change. I am suddenly no longer sick. I dont belong here any more. For the past year, my life has revolved around hospitals and doctors and appointments. There is no need for that anymore. My safe haven has been the hospital, kinda like a second secure home. The staff have been my support.
Dont get me wrong, I am pleased that all this is changing, but it is going to take a bit of adjustment. I need to take a look at my life and decide what I want to do with it now, where I want to go. There are so many options and pros and cons to each.
Its like being denied everything and then suddenly being offered everything. I may get emotional over it and I may cry. But its not out of upset, grief or anguish, its more so an overwhelming at this point. I feel overwhelmed at everything that is about to change.
There is just so so much. Life as I know it is about to turn around.
Its exciting and its scary and you will just have to bear with me over the next couple of weeks as I have a feeling it is going to be even more of a roller coaster than previous;