Normally at this time of year, I go into list making mode.
I start decluttering, reorganizing, menu planning.
The menu planning doesn't usually last past week two but the huge pile of cookbooks I bring home from the library and pile beside my chair help me keep up the delusion that this is the year to get ahead of the whole . . . supper comes every day thing . . .
I do a massive spring cleaning in January because I know come spring I'll be outside and I won't come back in until October sometime. (November if I'm lucky)
I have a list of house projects and a list of garden projects and a list of new things to learn.
Of course I know I'll be lucky to get even a fraction of each list done but I like feeling as though I know where I'm going and how I plan to get there.
This year, for the first time in my adult life, there are no lists.
I have no idea where I am going or how I might get there.
I don't even pretend to think I know what tomorrow is going to look like.
The thing that's odd about that??
I'm actually kind of relieved.
I am going into this new year with the certain knowledge that each day is a gift.
And what that gift will hold when I unwrap it each day is going to be a surprise . . . and beyond my control.
Does that mean I think it will be a happy, skip with joy from one day to the next, kind of year? Not at all.
My days right now are a struggle as I work hard on sitting in my chair each day, getting up only to go to the bathroom in hopes that my drain will slow down once and for all.
Yesterday? That worked.
Today? Not so much. It seems my state of mind has something to do with it as well.
Yesterday? Happily hanging out, reading my book and visiting with Ev who dropped by.
29 ml at the 24 hour mark. Yes!! One ml below the target.
Today? Anxious all day, worrying about what a trip to my doctor's will do to my drain's fluid count. Thankfully I was able to postpone the appointment Only got up to load the dishwasher and make boxed scalloped potatoes to go with the roast chickens Henry brought home.
57 ml at the 24 hour mark. Nearly double what it needs to be before they will take the drain out.
I need there to be no more than 30 ml in 24 hours two days in a row.
It seems I not only have to sit perfectly stillall day, I also have to be happy while doing it! Am I getting frustrated?
Absolutely. The thing is though, I also know that the drain will come out at the very second it should, according to God's plan. Not a second early or a second late.
God's timing is perfect.
And that's the joy I am bringing into the new year.
Not that everyday is going to be fabulous, or interesting, or even just okay. But everyday will bring anew God's plan for me and I am looking forward to finding out what that plan might be.
It was my hope to blog everyday but until this drain comes out and I have the whole fluid thing under some kind of control, that might not be possible.
So I let go. I choose to meet each day with the steady joy of knowing that God is in control and he has a plan for me and that plan will be worked for my good.
My sister Tamara posted a few verses on Facebook the other day and they struck me as the perfect verses to take into the year ahead. . .
"22 The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; 23 they are new every morning; great is thy faithfulness."Lamentations 3:22-23
What I can do to ring in the New year??
Take a trip to Home Depot with Holly and brighten the house with these. . .