I imagine, and I see in you a brave woman. A woman that even risks her life, and does extreme things in a way that reflects an image of you with a sword held high and you say TODAY IS MY INDEPENDANCE DAY.  You understand FREEDOM and you spread HOPE.

hi,dear girl, I am a girl in china, I have a bad habit:sometimes when I feel lost or confussed or unhappy,I turn to food,I would eat alot,I sincerely know it's bad for healthy,but when I feel bad my self control ability seemed so feeble.

Shixianli The key to any challenge of the mind is a thought challenge.

Write down a thought that bothers you. After that write a positive thought that is more realistic and positive. Thinking positive and even the truth can be more positive than negative thoughts. EXAMPLE: " I don't like how I feel when I am inside the house a lot "      (challenge) " I feel a little sad, but I know that if I jog in place or do something I enjoy or eat something I will enjoy and be greatful for I will feel better."

Shixianli I love that about you and you dream. You dream a dream to live by. One that you are soaring the sky, a dream that only you hold the key to, a freedom that only you can comprehend, and what you know as you fly is a lot more powerful than what you know as your feet are upon the ground. beautiful song bird keep soaring the skys and be all the sweet songs that you sing in your heart.

Before I found control over my eatting disorder, I begun to imagine that I no longer had the problem. I imagined myself free and I imagined that I no longer felt what it was like to be confined. I did the things that made me feel FREE and ALIVE! I rode my mountain bike more often no matter the weather, and I seemed to be petaling in the air. I felt that I could conquer every mountain, and that every street where there was a bad memory I would conquer it with a positive memory! The more I believed in the freedom the more I began to live a life of freedom!

Every day that passes I am forgetting what it was like before. Days pass and it doesn't come to my mind. I eat when I'm hungry and I truly enjoy every moment of it. If I'm paniced or not hungry I try to do something that makes me feel free, such as reading and choosing an idea from my list of things that makes me feel free :  1: reading a silly song on my wall and then singing it and dancing around. /7 Sunshine Sunshine all you ever really need is sunshine /7 I imagine the sun rising and I'm singin /7 1    2 ,    1    2 , 1   2    Here comes the sun, praise to the suN!!  /7 Then I imagine hitting people in the head with bottles of sunshine and they go around singing it too! 

 

   TODAY IS THE 4TH OF JULY 2009. I'M GREATFUL TO SAY THAT TODAY IS INDEPENDANCE DAY (((((VERY GREATFUL)))))!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

        I BELIEVE THAT I TRULY UNDERSTAND WHAT IT IS TO BE FREE FROM THE HORRIBLENESS OF BULIMIA. I HAVE HAD FEW RELAPSES. THE PRAYERS OF OTHERS, MY RECOGNITION OF MY TRUE DESIRE TO BE FREE AND MY BELIEF THAT I CAN BE FREE, AND MY BIGGEST SURRENDER TO GOD IS THAT I SURRENDER TO GOD THE CONTROL, AND TAKE CONTROL TO GIVE OTHERS A REASON TO BELIEVE, A TRUE LIFE STORY THAT HOPE EXISTS. THIS IS  MY COMMITMENT TO GOD THAT I WILL BECOME AND LEARN FREEDOM,  SO THAT I CAN HELP ((((YOU))))))) AND OTHERS TO BE COMPLETELY FREE. 

   BEGIN TO BELIEVE IN THE FREEDOM THAT EXISTS, AND FIND A REASON TO BELIEVE. IF YOU SAY YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE FREE. I KNOW YOU, I WAS YOU, AND I DIDN'T BELIEVE. NO MATTER WHAT YOU HAVE DONE, YOU DO DESERVE TO BE FREE BECAUSE YOU WERE BORN  AND GOD GAVE EVERY MAN AND WOMAN AGENCY AND THE CHOICE TO BE FREE AND TO LEARN OPPOSITION.  IF YOU FEEL CONFINED, YOU CAN BETTER UNDERSTAND WHAT TRUE FREEDOM IS AND GIVE OTHERS ALSO A REASON TO BELIEVE.
          

         THANKYOU MY LORD JESUS CHRIST MY SAVIOR FOR GIVING ME FREEDOM FROM A HORRIBLE FEAR OF DEATH, AND A FREEDOM TO BE ALIVE. THANK YOU TO THOSE THAT HAD PRAYED AND CONTINUE PRAYING FOR ME. I WAS TRAPPED AND IT SEEMED UNDER A SPELL OR A DEEP SLEEP. THE FIRST STEP FOR ME WAS TO ADMIT I COULD TO NOTHING. IT WAS GOD AND BELIEF THAT THROUGH HIM THERE WOULD BE A WAY. GOD ALSO WORKS THROUGH THOSE THAT SERVE HIM, SO I ASKED THEM TO PRAY FOR ME AND TO GIVE ME MANY BLESSINGS AND TO THIS DAY I DONT UNDERSTAND BUT I BELIEVED IN THE MIRACLE AND WAS BLESSED TO GIVE EVEN YOU AND ALL MANKIND A REASON TO BELIEVE.

I imagine myself riding a bike and I am free and alive and I'm smiling and I'm stronger than I ever was because today I was happy that I simply lived through today, and I bet I'll live tomorrow whether its raining or helling(meaning if its the worst day or the best day), I am alive!!!

I imagined during pregnancy all the things I looked forward to... because I began again to struggle with bulimia and I imagined all the things I loved and all the things I looked forward to... everyday free from bulimia I was greatful and I tried to avoid relaps. I looked forward to many things in the future and struggled to stay free. I made a list of the things I love the most like my children and the activties I'd do with them and the great times we would have together, riding bikes, watching the cotton fall like snow and cover the ground in the summertime, ect.

The things I looked forward to: My baby is now 2 months old and before she was 1 month old I walked on a trail for 3 hours and I watched cotton fall on my face and I picked up cotton from the dirt trail and filled up my pockets. I had strength enough to make this trail because I looked forward to being alive even if it meant that I was completely free or not. I believe that I had more strength because I tried every day to be free and everyday I took vitamins and I did many things to make sure I would survive and live to the fullest and it has been 4 months of freedom and everyday I want to cry because I enjoy this freedom that I have to be alive and free from bulimia.

The cotton represents to me individually wishes of all the things I could look forward to in life. Not only wishes but all the possiblities and great things about being alive! I could pick up handfuls of it off the ground because I knew what it meant to me and I knew I had so many possiblities! Why wish, its time to fill your pockets full of all the things you love, and things you truly want from the heart!

Even if you are not free from an eatting disorder you are still alive and your life is open to these wishes and all the most tenderest messages to you in a simple and loving peice of soft fluffy cotton falling onto your nose.

      When the snow falls gently upon you, feel the wishes and possiblities touch your face and your hands. What you need is to take it slow.......   lay down your spirit,  calmly....  look around and see the snowflakes pile together, look at all these wishes and possiblities and greatest things simple things... about being alive.

 

                         You Dont Want To Miss This Life..........

 

 I had a dream I was seeing a story book in motion and I was the child and I had red hair because I tended to be a trouble child. So I saw in my dream myself running around as a child in my home. Then I turned and I thought I saw Jesus and he appeared to be mad, and I thought he would be mad and he walked to the book on the table and he turned around and he smiled and he said "Sunthia ta" which I thought to be a special name just for me and he smiled at me and I supposed he said Sunthia SLOW.  

 I heard music saying /7 Happy Happy day Happy Happy day Happy Happy day /7 again and again. When I wolk up I was happy and I supposed that he had looked at my book and I thought I was bad but instead he called me out by a special name and he said slow.......      and I knew that it was helpful to slow down. because I know what it feels like and you can slow down and lay down your love to me and everyday can be a special day for you.

I would love to feel confident, fufilled and happy again! Without the contstant gnawing of hunger and horrific body image! I would love to to just live, and be present in life :-)

I have to say I feel exactly the same hun. =)  Don't think you have to wait for the E.D. to be gone to enjoy and find happiness in life. The more freedom you feel doing something you love you will realise you are free to be happy and nothing can hold you back.

Never wait to feel the freedom take over your whole body. The thing I like to do that is very fun is to dance in my kitchen. I feel spiritually, physically, and mentally free and I begin to believe that I can make it even one day and that I begin to believe that I never need to get discouraged. I imagine I'm marching in a parade, a parade with others that are celebrating our freedoms, and we dance and you never give up, and we are truly happy because we don't let anything stand in the way of our happiness. Will you join the parade?

Something very important I learned is that alot of my 'fight' to stay IN the eatting disorder is to look really great because I'm trying to impress men or get attention. I have started to tell myself continually "I'm not going to kill myself for a man". A man that would expect me to fight so hard and hurt myself to look beautiful doesn't deserve me and it wouldn't be worth killing myself for. So I realised that if I am NOT IN the eatting disorder I will more likely end up with someone that loves me for me, and that he wouldn't expect me to have to fight so hard for something that could take my life away. And the truth is most men would not want you to hurt yourself to look that way. Men like curves. 

WHAT AM I FIGHTING FOR? If I fight so hard to "look so good" I'll probably end up with a man that is with me because "I look so good", and then if I give up my fight to save my life, he'll probably leave because I no longer "look so good", so why fight so hard for something that will put my life on the edge. So say to yourself "Do you truly want to die" Because you might just die, if you don't start fighting with a bigger purpose, even to be alive. "do you truly want to die" Have you lived life to the fullest, have you become the person you want people to remember you as, have you traveled all the places you wanted to go, have you got to try all the fun things you've wanted to try, ect. Begin to fight for a better purpose because you really might just die.

If a man compliments you when you look your worst, he'll love you when you look your best and he'll cherish you in your hardest moments.

WHAT AM I FIGHTING FOR? Carry a different kind of sword, barry your sword of hate, and hold up a sword of love. Put up a fight to love yourself just as you are. I see women with eatting disorders like women in a HURRY running so fast and they cant slow down. So the answer is slow down. When I think of how God sees women he see's a elegant tender ballerina's. So often I say deep in my soul..... "slow..............." like a ballerina "slowly...." "gently...." "softly....." and I turn on some slow and tender music and I dance and I imagine God is smiling down on me, and I make peace with my soul and I find a way to disapear into a secret hideaway. Where I can run away and I can finially slow down.