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The Bodies in the Bodleian

Posted Mar 26 2013 10:35am

Right now I am watching the Peanut play with her baby doll. She is saying “baby sleep” and then shoving it under the sofa. I realize she’s putting the doll under there because it’s dark, but it still makes me think of “The People Under the Stairs”.

Kids can be unintentionally creepy.

Apparently, their mothers can have overtly creepy pastimes, and think they’re completely normal.

Last night, after a rather large meal, I proved my dumbassedness by going to Crossfit with the Gaysian. We were the only ones willing to do that to our bodies after eating pile after pile of food. In case you don’t read my blog often, or if you’re new to it, the Gaysian is one of my very best friends, and is so monikered due to his being a Gay Asian; on top of that, he’s also a Brit.

Crossfit was a nightmare and more than once I thought I’d yark. I managed to keep it together. Somehow, to keep my mind from the notion of tossing my cookies, the Gaysian started talking to me about the Bodleian Library in Oxford, and about his days as an Oxford Don dandy.  Apparently, many of the stacks are the PERFECT place to sexually harass other dons.

Of course, I brought the conversation round to a new acquisition of Bodley’s Library’s Duke Humphry’s Hall of a 14th c. anatomical illumination. The prompt response given to me was “I’m talking about post-supper interludes behind a pile of Shelley, and you’re           talking about some louse ridden witch-doctor’s fancy scribble about the heart? Really, Shelley and my libido are all the heart you need.” (read this in a very proper, very deep British accent. Think Rupert Everett.)

He then went on to tell me that my fascination with anatomical images of many centuries ago is super creepy.  I reminded him that most of the cadavers they used were that of criminals, and so it made it totally fine.

Of course the answer I received was “tell that to Jean Valjean”. Leave it to a professor of European Poetry to bring it back to Victor Hugo. Although, it might also be his super musical loving gay attributes. It remains to be seen.

I choose to believe that the cadavers used were super bad people. Puppy kickers, people who take whisky from old women, murderers, whoever eats the last pancake. The real criminals. I think of it as “Dexter: 15th c.” He’d be William or Horatio, but still.

Either way, I am obsessed with anatomical illuminations much in the way the Miz is obsessed with sugar skulls, or the Bloggess is obsessed with funny taxidermy.

I also name my prints. Not their original names, but mostly redneck nomenclature. My family has a vast and ample supply of those from which to choose.

Meet Clovis. He likes long walks to the still, and would like to know where someone put his junk.

Meet Cletus. He’s transparent in all his feelings for you.

You see? If they’re SMILING they’re much more less creepy. Completely acceptable for framing and hanging in your bedroom. The man might disagree with me, but he’ll cave.

It’s still only slightly less creepy than putting your baby to sleep under the sofa–I think.

Moving on.

I made rice pudding. You should eat it.

Rice Pudding is one of those great “use-up” recipes you make when you, say, order a shit ton of Chinese food, and you have more rice than what is needed to feed a dozen small villages.  What sets this pudding apart is the seasonings, flavors, and the coconut milk.

Coconut Chai Vegan Rice Pudding

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Coconut Chai Vegan Rice Pudding

by Cat Bowen

Prep Time: 5 minutes

Cook Time: 20 minutes

Keywords: no bake appetizer breakfast dessert side snack vegan vegetarian kosher

Ingredients (depends on hunger.)

Instructions

combine milk, spices, vanilla and chia and set aside for 10 minutes

pour over rice, stir, add coconut shred and refrigerate.

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