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Pee Like Boy

Posted Jul 29 2009 11:59pm
Raise your hand if you've ever had to drop your drawers in the great outdoors.

O.K., just what I thought. That's everyone.

Learning to cop a squat is part of growing up being a girl. Then again, some girls can pee like a boy (one of my daughters has this mastered and so does my friend Tara). The rest of us who have tried, however, end up with wet legs, and worse, wet socks. But now, the ability to pee like a boy is within reach thanks to the all new " Go Girl" device.

I first saw the Go Girl at a bike expo, but I didn't know what it was for. What I saw was a hot pink funnel. And I thought about all the utensils in my kitchen and realized, "I don't have a funnel. Are they giving away pink funnels? How clever!" And imagined myself concocting some fabulous recipe using my hot pink funnel. That vision disappeared in an imaginary puff of powdered sugar when I was schooled in it's real use. And not cooking school, mind you. In not so many words I learned the hot pink funnel was a prosthetic penis of sorts.

Still. Clever.

But since I was at a bike expo I thought they were for peeing while on the bike, something I tried. Once. Not at all worth whatever time I saved. I had applied strips of Power Bar to my top tube to eat on the go. After relieving myself however, that soggy snack wasn't so appealing. Plus my bike shoes stank for weeks. Would a Go Girl device improve that calamity? Can you imagine pulling down your bike shorts and grabbing the hot pink funnel from your bike jersey? Taking one hand off the handlebars to steady the Go Girl to your nether region? No. OK, not something you would use on the bike or in the kitchen.

Still I was intrigued. I asked for one because I believed this could have purpose for the fit mama. When my Go Girl device arrived, like my last product review, I waited for the right moment--the necessary moment--to give it a try.

The time came while at the track one morning. The bathrooms were locked.

I had been in this predicament before and there's a handy set of bushes along the chain-link fence. If you're wearing traditional running shorts (not compression, bike-type shorts) you don't need to pull the shorts down over your bum. Just pull the crotch over to the side and go. You can pull flowers with the other hand and no one will ever know you're peeing.

But how can you be discreet with a hot pink funnel attached to your front parts? I let the opportunity pass. Maybe it wasn't the perfect "go-to" device for the female athlete. Still, I knew it had a purpose. I just hadn't happened upon it yet.

Later that week I took the kids strawberry picking. As soon as we arrived, so did my bladder. Nothing but a stinky port-a-potty available to me and my 4-year-old. Finally the moment had come and I tore open the Go Girl package with delight. I was even more delighted when I discovered the Go Girl comes packaged with some toilet paper, too. No need to air dry! And just as I hoped, using a port-a-potty isn't all that bad when you can pee like a boy.

Next up the 4-year-old. (Disclaimer: I'm sure the company doesn't condone sharing the Go Girl, but I figured sharing the Go Girl was less offensive than sitting my 4-year-old on the nasty toilet seat). We encountered a major problem. Small child wasn't tall enough. The Go Girl points down. She could not point this prosthetic penis up to form a urine arc into the potty. We abandoned the port-a-potty and took the hot pink Go Girl around back. She got to pee like a boy into the weeds instead. Fun stuff.

And that's where I found its real value. I can squat. Don't mind squatting. And as I learned traveling last week, I can squat over a toilet and hold a baby at the same time. As a fit mama, not only should I be able to do this, but I take just a tiny bit of pride in being able to do this. Plus, my legs get taxed so it counts as a legitimate squat. Multitasking at its best.

But small children aren't so proficient at squatting. Legs get splashed. Shoes get wet. The Go Girl saved the day. So, while I may not take it along on long runs, I'll definitely keep it in the car for road trips and I'd definitely want one on a camping trip (who wants to risk squatting in poison ivy?).

In my last product review/give away attempt I sent the same product I used. This time, I'm happy to announce, we won't be sharing. One lucky wiener--I mean winner--will get her very own Go Girl (sent directly from the manufacturer so you won't have to worry). When do you think a Go Girl would come in handy? Let me know and be entered to win!
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