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I Felt Tongue.

Posted Sep 13 2011 1:00pm

I am not a cuddly person by nature. I was raised by stoic midwesterners whose idea of close, personal affection is a pat on the back, and a hearty greeting; was a wave. The first time I got the “kiss on the cheek, hello”, (common in NYC) it was like my cheek had been molested just a little bit. In my head I was thinking “did this person just make out with my cheek? I’m sure I felt tongue.”

at least buy me a drink first.

All this time later, I am sort of offended if you DON’T kiss me. I mean, I don’t want to be the make out family from SNL, but if you cop a feel, I won’t hate you. (just kidding,  I won’t just not hate you, I’ll give you a cookie!!!)

The funniest thing is that at my gym, A LOT OF EUROPEANS kiss me hello. I do look like one of them. (a few generations removed) And they often kiss me hello WHILE NAKED IN THE LOCKER ROOM. I can’t decide whether or not to stare at the oncoming headlights or turn away. I choose to ONLY MAKE EYE CONTACT.

I find that since having kids, I have become SUPER AFFECTIONATE. I can’t get enough of them!! They’re just so.friggen.cute. (I didn’t use the F word there, and I’m proud.) My heart literally explodes like 400x a day. Today, while dancing with Elijah and doing some plyometrics, using him as a counterweight, he was giggling away and I felt a little like this.


I can’t help what I’ve become. I feel bad for any of you in my wake. I promise, it’s only because I REALLY like you.

How can you NOT squeeze them??

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