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I Buy My Threats at Ikea

Posted Feb 28 2013 9:35am

Last night, at, we’ll call the time “really effing late” because it was, and because I can’t even describe how tired I was, the man and I were serenaded by the vocal stylings of the Peanut. Apparently, “really effing late” is also the concert hour.

Thank all the gods anyone worships that she is so freaking cute and funny, because otherwise I’d have been truly mad. Instead, the man and I just kept laughing. Why? Because while she was spouting mostly non-sensical words, occasionally you’d hear “feet” or “YEAH!” followed by much semi-manical laughter. What do you say to that? I’ll tell you what, nothing. You just laugh because while it was a real dick move to keep me up all night, she’s so freaking cute it makes my heart burst.

I’m telling you, anyone but her? I’d have been in a rage state. Even if it was my 90 year old MawMaw mellifluently humming lullabies to me, she’d end up with a horse’s head in her bed. (I’d buy it in the Ikea kitchen)

It was 100% my fault she fell asleep only to rise several hours later. Kids thrive on routine, and I threw a wrench into hers. We snacked too much, and then had dinner about 40 minutes before her bedtime. Sure, the snacks were healthy, (other than the DARK chocolate cadbury mini-eggs of doom/G-d/devil) but mine is a girl who needs to eat 3 hours before bed, with a little veggie and protein just before turning in. Apparently, pizza at 7:20, is the devil .

I know from my own personal habits that good sleep hygiene is essential to a full night of rest. A dark room, a good book, a noise machine, and water are all essential for me to sleep, as well as the occasional ambien. I know that the nights I have a beer too close to bedtime, I will dream that someone is trying to eat my eyeball or cut in line in front of me at Starbucks. In the dream I NEVER get to tell them off for cutting, and we all know how frustrating that would be.

Not to worry though, her extra early wake up time has taught me a valuable lesson, buy earplugs and get a nanny keep to the schedule. It is better for everyone involved, especially my makeup artist who now has the joy of covering the bags under my eyes, and gets to deal with my incessant whining about how tired I am.

Days like this require a boost of energy, and a bucket of protein.

I give you, the Protein Juilius aka High Protein Orange Juilius.  This recipe has RAW egg whites in it, I cannot express how important it is to use pasteurized or SUPER fresh egg whites. (it doesn’t taste like egg whites, it makes it creamy..google prohibition cocktails, there’s a million of them that use it)

orange juilius 3

High Protein Orange Juilius

by Cat Bowen

Prep Time: 5

Keywords: blender beverage breakfast snack low-carb gluten-free vegetarian

Ingredients (1 shake)

Instructions

place all ingredients in blender

blend

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