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I’M EFFIING ELLE WOODS

Posted Apr 23 2013 12:49pm

Ok, so I know that on Sunday, I mentioned that I couldn’t wait to start making fun of celebrity gaffes that were bound to accompany warmer climes.

Alas, I needed only wait an hour or two until Reese Witherspoon decided to get all “celeb high-handed” with a cop.

Here’s the thing, while I’ve been tempted to go around asking people “don’t you know who I am?? You’re about to!!”, I am feking tired of assholes drinking and driving. It’s by far the BIGGEST, DUMBEST, ASSHOLE MOVE EVER.  If I even breathe in boozy fumes I stay as far away from my keys as humanly possible. Just because you’re all fancy, and have more money than a shipping magnate, doesn’t mean the damn rules do not apply to you. It doesn’t mean that your car can’t kill someone.

Seriously, it is MUCH funnier if you’re being driven around, and you’re randomly yelling out of the window of the limo, “Don’t you know who I am? I’m ELLE WOODS, MOTHER TRUCKERS!!!” Seriously, you may even get good press out of that particular gaffe. Everyone loves a story about tipsy, funny ladies being socially drunksponsible.

Everyone should be drunksponsible.

This includes having a DD or $$ for a cab, or taking the train if you live in an area with good metro.

This also includes sending me drunk texts. I love them. They’re special in my heart. Personally, I’m given to ambien texting people. (my sister and the WebMistress can attest to the awesome.)

Also, bonus points if you bust out in song. Preferably from the 90s, preferably Sir Mix-a-lot or Vanilla Ice. Boys II Men if you have a group.

If you can quote obscure literature or poetry while being drunksponsible? You win at life.

If you can make a tahini dressing, you must be ME!

Today’s recipe is off-the-charts delicious.

If you’re like me, as soon as the good asparagus hits the farmer’s market, you gobble that shit up like a Kardashian gobbles attention. (and quite possibly the souls of the damned) This recipe elevates the delicious spring vegetable with something more. Healthier than a hollandaise, but with the same, buttery mouth feel, this tahini dressing will make anyone wake up in the middle of the night craving asparagus.

Roasting Asparagus is easy. Spray the spears with olive oil, toss with salt and pepper, and roast at 400F until crisp-tender. (about 8 minutes) The dressing is also sort of stupid easy, but damn oh damn is it good.  Spiced with the Moroccan spice , ras el hanout, it is also equally good on pita or as a salad dressing!

Lemon Tahini Dressing

photo 1 (13) photo 2 (12) photo 3 (11)

photo 3 (11)

 

Lemon Tahini Dressing

by Cat Bowen

Prep Time: 2 minutes

Keywords: appetizer side soup/stew condiment dairy-free gluten-free kosher low-carb nut-free paleo soy-free sugar-free vegan vegetarian

Ingredients

Instructions

whisk together ingredients and drizzle over vegetables

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