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I’ll Never Go Step by Step…ooh baby.

Posted Apr 26 2012 1:15pm

We’re going to call this post “what not to do while running”. We have already covered that running while being chased by the undead is a very bad idea. We have also figured out that running while Rue is dying in the arena is also a bad idea. Now, we have a third scenario that makes for a terrible run.

Before I get to our third scenario, let’s get a little re-cap of my running history. Between 2005 and 2006, I lost 175 lbs. Because of the fact that I lost the weight when it was common practice to wait until after you have kids to get skin removal surgery, I am running around with a person’s worth of extra skin. This requires me to run with all kinds of special underpinnings. I wear what I lovingly refer to as a “skin sucker” aka spanx at all times. The only time I take it off is to go to bed.

The streets were absurdly crowded yesterday, so I decided to hit up my gym’s treadmill for a quick, 5 mile run. The gym was hot. really hot. I thought I’d be just fine as long as I maintained hydration and watched that I didn’t let my pace fall below 8 minutes/mile.

I was a sweaty mess by mile 2, and the new sports bra I was wearing was tugging a little bit on my skin sucker. By the end of mile 3, I knew that even with all the runner’s lube I had placed under the banding of my SS, I was going to chafe. Mile 4, I thought “maybe a blister”. By the end of mile 5, I was weeping. I was effing crying on the effing treadmill in the effing gym. I was crying like I just figured out Snape was in love with Harry’s mother. I was crying like I had when I figured out I’d never be Mrs Jordan Knight. By the time I got home to inspect the damage, I had a burning, bleeding, rope burn looking wound around my ribcage. I looked like one of the hostages in “hostel”, what with my rope burns and mascara mask. I was real cute, I assure you.

Cue the ugly cry. Cue the cry that happens when I realize that no matter how much weight I’ve lost, or muscle I’ve built, until I get this skin taken off, I am always going to feel fat. I am always going to feel like I am that size 26, and I am always going to have problems stemming from that.

Now I am determined. I am determined to get this shit cut off of my body like so many bad memories. I don’t need it. In fact, I NEED it gone. It’s painful, it’s embarrassing, it leads to more problems than just the ones I listed. It’s just.plain.depressing. I realize I have come farther than most people thought I would. I am stronger than ever. I am happier than I’ve ever been. Yet I am still trapped. Trapped in a body I don’t belong to anymore. It’s like the worst “Freaky Friday” ever. I eat healthy. I train. I run. I help others to do the same. Yet, I am stagnant and sad about it.

Now just to figure out how to pay for what insurance won’t cover. Oy. I am thinking I could be either the worst sex hotline operator (“what are you wearing” “ummm, a hoodie and running socks?”) or best fake psychic ever. I may need to brainstorm more. I’m going to need more brain food.

Fish, yep! I eat it. Chia seeds and their omegas? Duh. Sweet potatoes with their vitamin A and Beta Carotene? Oh. hell. yes.

I can even turn them into something my formerly fat brain will be tricked into loving. Something like healthy baked sweet potato chips. I may even add a healthy dip. It’s a good thing I can cook, or then I’d be really depressed about all of this.

Healthy Sweet Potato Chips with Chobani Yogurt Dip.

Baked Sweet Potato Chips and Yogurt Dip

by Cat Tan

Prep Time: 10 minutes

Cook Time: 20 minutes

Ingredients

2 sweet potatoes 1 tsp cocoa powder 1/2 tsp raw sugar 1/2 tsp cinnamon 1/4 tsp (or more) cayenne pepper 1 tbsp extra virgin olive oil salt and pepper

for the dip

Instructions

preheat oven to 425F

slice with a mandoline or a knife the yams into very thin slices

toss all of the yam ingredients with the yams in a large bowl, evenly coating the slices

place yam slices on cooling rack on top of cookie sheet and bake until crisp (about 20 minutes)

for the dip

whip together all of the ingredients, save for the honey,

pour into bowl and drizzle with honey.

serve

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