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Gray Hair and Gonorrhea.

Posted Jan 16 2013 9:32am

A morning that doesn’t start with an entire box of Cheerios spilled on the floor, is a good day.  You’d be surprised how many times that’s happened. It’s staggering, really.

Today, I have a small bone to pick with the blogging community. It might be because I didn’t sleep last night, and might be in that place where I throw up my hands and say “awww, eff it.” Either way, the bone is there.

Bloggers NEVER seem to do anything but the most awesome and stellar reviews for products on their blog. With the exception of Jamie Grayson, from the Baby Gear Guide, I almost never read what seems like a genuine review. I also realize I am guilty of this. I have a tendency to only review things I like. That’s pretty disingenuous. There are plenty of things I’ve tried and said to myself “well, what the hell was that about?”

I know for a fact I’ve tried healthy recipes and cookbook recipes that I’ve thought were just terrrrrrible. Do I ever talk about these? No. Should I? Probably. I’m a fairly good judge of tasty food, and an even better judge for cooking/baking equipment.

For instance. Egg Poachers? I bought them after seeing them somewhere on the interwebs, can’t recall where. I thought they were totally silly after buying them. I never use them for poaching eggs. You know what they ARE good for? baking eggs or muffins. Individual protein muffins. Mise en place. Holding ketchup for the kids french fries, using as a blog prop. It was not a waste of money, I just don’t use it as intended. Sort of like those “back massagers” they sell at Brookstone. I’m sure they’re all *just* used for the back.

Also, the “Gazelle” by the ponytail princess, Tony Little? Unstable, built for crap, falls apart, and unless you’re going at a full-tilt, you’re not getting a great workout. If you DO go at a full-tilt, it will feel like you’re fully tilting over.

I understand that sponsored posts are just that…sponsored. You don’t bite the hand that feeds you. I also think that people should probably not waste their money, either.

So here is what I am going to do. In an effort to be transparent, if I use something, and I hate it for more reasons than just “it didn’t work for me”, I’ll tell you. If I find something I LOVE for more reasons than just “it’s convenient for me”, I’ll tell you.

I already told you about the gazelle. I’ll now tell you about something I ADORE, and yet, I’m in no way sponsored by this company. The opinions are my own, and not compensated.

I want to make out with my Cuisinart .  That’s a really bad idea with it having a giant swirling blade, btw. 12 cups of sexy chopping ability. Perfect pie crusts. Bread dough. Grinding my pills.  Making easy salsa, sofrito, recaito, remoulade, frozen banana soft serve. What do I use it most often for? Chopped salads. I use the top disk and whir the hell outta my salads. A salad that’s still crunch tastic that you can practically eat with a spoon. Perfect. The components are also dishwasher safe, and I’m lazy with dishes. I hate doing them like I hate gray hairs and gonorrhea.  I have had one of these things….I’ll let you decide which. (they both require special chemicals to treat!!)

I wish I knew how to quit you.

It makes living in a healthy way, and cooking in the same manner, easier.

Like for this marinated celery salad? Yeah. Top slicer.

 

It’s like the best love child between an Asian pickle and crudite. Marinated celery salad has the flavors of Asia, and the crunch of the oppressive Europeans. Delightful. (I’m a European, so shut it.) We’ve all heard about celery’s “negative calories”, which surprisingly doesn’t mean that the celery taunts you as you eat it. “dunk my ass in more spinach dip, fatass!!!” It means it’s essentially water and fiber, using more calories to digest than what the food contains. Neat, right? This is so easy, you don’t even need a recipe. Just a drizzle of honey, sesame oil (tiny drizzle) and plenty of rice vinegar, red wine vinegar, pepper flakes, and a tiny hint of tamari, and let marinate overnight. THAT’S IT!! So good. So. So. Good.  marinated celery 4

marinated celery 3

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