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Frizzy Hair Karma Kick Ass

Posted Aug 02 2012 9:22am

I am going to have to tape my eyes open today. The Peanut went to bed absurdly late, and woke up absurdly early. I can’t help but think I am being punished for some misdeed I may have committed in the past. Judging by the crown of frizz, dark undereye circles, and overall puffiness I am sporting, it must’ve been all those times I made fun of my mother’s vast collection of mock turtleneck shirts. You really shouldn’t tempt fate by mentioning her hundreds of mock collar shirts, making her not unlike a more living, less-rich Steve Jobs. It’s apparently really bad karma to mention that the mock turtleneck shirt is either the underachiever of turtlenecks, or the overachieving crew neck…it remains to be seen.

Again, did I mention my ridiculous crown of frizz? I don’t think it evens out.

Fortunately, I’ve been reading up on diets that seem to help with dry, coarse hair. I was a bit dubious at first, until I read that the study was done at Magdalen College at Oxford University. I’m inclined to believe it now. As it turns out, the same diet that proclaims to make my hair appear less brillo-ish, and more “conditioner is better! I make the hair silky and smooth!!” *five bucks to the first person to guess the quote..Monopoly money. The very same diet helps you maintain weight loss and live you long time. (more quotes, get over it….see first sentence of blog for reason why I am slap happy.)

What is that diet, you ask? THE MOTHER LOVING MEDITERRANEAN DIET. Damn if that diet isn’t prolific. Small amounts of lean proteins, lots of fatty fish, olives, nuts, fruits and veg out the yin yang, a respectable amount of whole grains, brown rice, yogurts, and goat’s cheeses. Basically, if you eliminate the lean proteins (see: meats like chicken and sirloin) and add sugar,  it’s my favorite foods.

Sugar isn’t on the diet anywhere but in fruit and honey. Bread is a lesser factor, as is rice, pasta, etc. Until I started muscling up for this part, bread and sugar were my favorite food groups. I have a candy stash. I bake. I think I need a 12 step program. Breads and sugar are the two things most hampering my growth. I’m like a sugarcarboholic.

Dear cinnamon toast, I wish I knew how to quit you. You make my hair frizzy, my skin dry, my ass fat. I love hate you.  You’re like the bad boy boyfriend I just can’t seem to part from. I swear on everything holy, if you forget my corsage for prom, I will caramelize you into oblivion.

The thing is, is that I’ve never really given up bread and sugar entirely before, always thinking it unnecessary. I don’t plan on giving up grains entirely, as oats and rice are so good for you, but the flour-y foods. Do I give them up? Severely limit their place in my life? Wear a shock collar that goes off every time I try to eat a flour or refined sugar based food? Contract the employ of my former choirmaster from College who could strike fear into ANYONE’S heart to have him chastise me publicly any time I grab for some? (minding I NEVER cough in his presence, as he may berate me for damaging my instrument, and then force me to rock, crying in a corner…alone…hugging my knees)

What is the best way to make sure that I don’t OD on whole wheat? That I don’t gather sugar to me faster than Korean dictators gather groovy gray leisure suits?

Help me reader won kenobi, you’re my only hope.

I can help you make dinner, though. I didn’t make a Greek or Turkish dish, I made some yummy Puerto Rican gone healthy. I made arroz con gandules with brown rice instead of white rice, and lentils instead of pigeon peas, aka, gandules.

Arroz con Gandules is a yummy mix of salty, smoky, tomato-y, garlicky goodness. It’s homey and warm, and reminds me of cheesy rice casserole, sans cheese. It’s better. It’s more. Eat it in your face.

Healthy Arroz Con Gandules

Healthy Arroz Con Gandules

by Cat Tan

Keywords: saute appetizer entree side gluten-free

Ingredients

Instructions

chop bacon and saute in stock pot until crisp

stir in sazon packet

stir rice in bacon drippings and sazon

add all other ingredients save for lentils

bring to a boil and then cut heat down to low

cook until rice is tender

stir in lentils and optional olives.

eat.

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