The last thing I want to do tonight as I trudge home from work is fight the annoying crowds of “happy” young couples who don’t know any better and wait for 2 hours to eat my damn dinner which most likely will be cold or wrong due to the fact that the restaurant is PACKED and my server is slammed. And also my server is probably pissed because they had to work on Valentine’s Day, so hopefully they don’t take that out on us. Let’s just wait and go to dinner this weekend when everyone is at home because they spent all their money on the same expensive $200 Valentine’s day dinner that we are now enjoying for $9.99. M’kay?
Really? Isn’t this more for the guy?
But, ok, I’ll play along. Let’s just say for funzies that you happened to guess the correct size. Now this is crucial. Because if you are THAT guy that is going to buy your lucky lady lingerie and you buy a size too small, you’ve just insulted your girl. But on the other hand, if you buy a size too big, you’ve just insulted your girl.
How you may ask? Well say you come home with the beautifully wrapped box containing the red lace thong thingy you are hoping your gal will put on later tonight for you. She cautiously holds it up not knowing what to say, then she notices that hey this is a small and I’m obviously in a large…. Bam. Now deal with the tears of disappointment as she realizes that she’s not thin enough for you, and you just lost your sexy time.
But say the lingerie is too big? Bam. Now she thinks that you really must see her as bigger than she truly is. She’s obviously a small and you think she’s a large? How dare you. You lose.
Now say you are me and I get a nice pair of crotchless red lace underpants for Valentine’s day with a little wink and a nod. After I stop laughing, I’ll most likely remind you that we have exactly 5 minutes of free alone time, so by the time I even figure out how to put the damn things on, our sexy time is up because we have kids. WE don’t GET FREE ALONE TIME. And no, I’m not waking up at the crack ass of dawn to maneuver myself into a pair of butt floss for your enjoyment I’m sleeping. leave me alone.
Just kidding. Buy me all the shiny things you want. Carry on.
I hope you have a fantastic Valentine’s Day!