Exercising Demons

Honestly I try to avoid it. Anytime I so much as have an "I can't do this" thought, I immediately try to replace it with something positive. Yesterday, however, while on a 30-mile bike ride with my husband, I let the demons creep into my psyche and I had a heck of a time exorcising them. (Wait for it...)

The bike ride started out well. It was a cool 55-degree morning and I was wearing cold-weather bike gear that likely hadn't seen the light of day since I trained for Ironman New Zealand 8+ years ago. Seriously. These days, even though I typically ride in only perfect-weather conditions I didn't grumble. I was happy to be on a workout date with my husband.

The route was lovely. Not a single complaint there, either. Views of Lake Minnetonka, lush trees, some beginning to take a turn toward yellow and orange hues, some already blazing red.

In the beginning I was keeping up quite well, which encouraged me because I haven't been on my bike much this year, hardly at all last year. I was beginning to think that the 22-mile bike route in the Iron Girl Duathlon this Sunday wouldn't be too hard to tackle after all.

Then somebody left the door open to my mind and the demons started creeping in.

About mile 18 I was ready to be close to home (I had no idea where home was at this point or how long the ride would ultimately take). The breakfast I ate that morning was withering away and I did not prepare with additional calories on the ride. I noticed my husband had to wait for me now, at the top of hills, at intersections, before turns.

"I can't do this," I said after catching up to him near the end of our ride. "This is just not my thing."

Why did I say that? It was a backhanded attempt to apologize for holding him up, I think.

"Just ride," he said.

And there was much self-loathing all the way home. So much, that I did not enjoy the scenery the rest of the way. I didn't notice that there was no cumbersome wind to deal with or that the day was warming up to be a perfect fall afternoon. Nope, in my head I felt nothing but defeat. I'm just not any good. Why do I bother? And on it went.

You have too many workouts like this and it can be the death knell for your fitness. Realistic expectations are a must, and focusing on what you can accomplish, versus what you should have done or didn't do, provides the momentum for improvement.

My husband reminded me that riding more would likely help me feel better about riding more.

That was it: I needed to exercise those demons to exorcise those demons. (There, I knew I'd find a place to say this!)

I will get on my bike more and make sure my mind is shut tight to that negative self-talk by keeping my expectations realistic. For the rest of the day I allowed myself to feel grateful for the morning ride/date I had with my husband and I even look forward to conquering that route again another day.

Maybe turning negatives into positives is part of the fitness journey. What do you think? Have you had to exercise or exorcise any demons lately?