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Finding Melissa

St Albans, United Kingdom
Finding Melissa is a blog about losing an eating disorder and finding an identity. It's my recovery story from anorexia bulimia, and an attempt to turn my experience into something positive.  
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Finding Melissa. Yet again. by Finding Melissa Posted in: Blog Posts in Eating Disorders Now that I can honestly say the eating disorder is behind me and I can happily guzzle a box of chocolate seahorses without being paralysed by guilt or getting sucked into ... Read on »
The Causeway by Finding Melissa Posted in: Blog Posts in Eating Disorders Some posts come already written. This one has felt like pulling teeth. It has been drafted – and then redrafted; started and abandoned a dozen times. Some versions have be ... Read on »
Finding Melissa. Again. by Finding Melissa Posted in: Blog Posts in Eating Disorders It has been 15 days since I last threw up. I think I have broken the cycle. This is the longest I’ve managed since my relapse started, and I have no intention of g ... Read on »
Unbinding by Finding Melissa Posted in: Blog Posts in Eating Disorders I need to check in over here. I wondered whether this belonged on Finding Melissa or my new blog . If I was splintering off from myself again by reverting back. I don’t th ... Read on »
Eating Disorder Awareness Week 2011 by Finding Melissa Posted in: Blog Posts in Eating Disorders I started writing a post about Eating Disorder Awareness Week. I stopped because I am not sure, yet, what I’d like to say. That, of all psychiatric disorders, Ano ... Read on »
Checking In by Finding Melissa Posted in: Blog Posts in Eating Disorders I am just checking in. It feels important to do this, although it has been less than a week. I am aware that I have a tendency for flitting between things. For jum ... Read on »
So this is the plan…. by Finding Melissa Posted in: Blog Posts in Eating Disorders Last year, a friend said that I would have to step away from Finding Melissa at some point. I knew that she was right because it pushed the ‘this is true but I don’t want ... Read on »
Teeth. Yet again. by Finding Melissa Posted in: Blog Posts in Eating Disorders Starting at the top right. Filled hole at the top. Filled hole at the top. Reconstructed biting surface. Interior gum swelling. Gum lesion. Porcelain veneers. Filled hole ... Read on »
If it doesn’t work, try something else, and other lessons… by Finding Melissa Posted in: Blog Posts in Eating Disorders I have been quiet over here recently. It’s partly because I haven’t been able to find the words to say what I am feeling; and partly because I’ve had to change my get ... Read on »
Ignorance and irresponsibility by Finding Melissa Posted in: Blog Posts in Eating Disorders This month’s Grazia suggests that the ‘on/off’ diet, otherwise known as ‘Alternate Day Fasting’, is the perfect solution for those who find staying on a diet a mission, an ... Read on »
Adventure, authenticity and 2011. by Finding Melissa Posted in: Blog Posts in Eating Disorders Last night I went to a 1930s ball. I wore a long black dress, red lipstick and a furry shrug. There was laughter and music and dancing and human slinkies and it was exactl ... Read on »
The shiny thing on the sidebar by Finding Melissa Posted in: Blog Posts in Eating Disorders I have this cool new shiny thing on my sidebar. It comes courtesy of a blog that I have the utmost respect for. A blog that manages to be sharp, and real, and funn ... Read on »
Day One by Finding Melissa Posted in: Blog Posts in Eating Disorders A friend mentioned that the eating disorder is back in my eyes. She didn’t need to tell me. I can feel the glazing over, even if I can’t see it. I am stopping today. ... Read on »
One door closes – and another one opens by Finding Melissa Posted in: Blog Posts in Eating Disorders I have nearly finished packing up my flat now. There’s maybe a few more boxes and then it’s good to go. I was asked, on one of my posts , if I knew the reasons for ... Read on »
In the absence of addresses… by Finding Melissa Posted in: Blog Posts in Eating Disorders This is a virtual Christmas card. You have to imagine some glitter and a festive picture, because my flu addled brain is too fuzzy to create them. I realised, when I w ... Read on »
A reality check by Finding Melissa Posted in: Blog Posts in Eating Disorders I am devastated by what has happened over the past few months. The dam broke, earlier this evening, and the magnitude of my devastation has finally come out. Bef ... Read on »
The actions that go with the words by Finding Melissa Posted in: Blog Posts in Eating Disorders Tonight, I am painting my nails red and wrapping myself in blankets. I wrote a post , this morning, and disregarded it immediately because I did not work out what giving m ... Read on »
Giving myself a chance by Finding Melissa Posted in: Blog Posts in Eating Disorders There are two sides to this post. I considered splitting it down the middle – a post for each – because the one seemed so disparate from the other – but they seem to g ... Read on »
Food and what I forgot by Finding Melissa Posted in: Blog Posts in Eating Disorders I re-discovered a half finished post in my drafts box. I wrote it, a month or so ago, in response to an email asking how I dealt with the sense of deprivation from giving ... Read on »
A reminder by Finding Melissa Posted in: Blog Posts in Eating Disorders Every hour that I spend, crouched over bowls of food, is an hour away from the people that I care about and the things I love.  I know the exchange is not that simple; ... Read on »