I watch a lot of television now and I love reality shows. Usually on Wednesday nights I watch America's Got Talent. I really enjoy watching either amazing talent or morons making complete fools of themselves on national television. There is a wonderful singer named Michael Grimm on the show this season. He's got a real bluesy, gravely voice and I think he's fabulous.
I get an email from the M casino and lo and behold Michael Grimm is appearing in the lounge tonight and there is only a two drink minimum! Hey, I can pop for two diet cokes for some good music. I send the email to my boyfriend and he called me.
"You sure you want to go to this?"
"Oh yeah, I would love to see him."
"Are you sure?"
"Sure, why not?"
God love him, he knows me better than I know myself. He's just too kind to say that I'm an idiot for attempting this in the middle of one hell of a flare.
But I digress.
The show starts at eight o'clock and lasts until midnight.
Did you catch that?
Okay. So we drive out to the "M" and it takes about a half an hour from where I live. By the time we park and get out of the car I'm pretty well bent over from sitting for that period of time. I still don't seem to remember the fact that the show is supposed to last for FOUR HOURS. By the way, we park the car and it's a little bit of a hike to the casino. This is because I kept driving around looking for valet but couldn't find it. I haven't been there before and, believe it or not, I couldn't find the front of the casino so I said "screw it" and let's just park. Okay, back to the story. Now we get in the casino and where we've parked is at the OPPOSITE END of the casino where this lounge is located.
Are you beginning to get the picture?
At this point I'm beginning to get a little pissy because the pain in my back is running down my legs. It hurts to walk and it hurts to sit and my hands hurt like hell. I got up and looked at the t-shirts and Cd's that he had at a table in the back. Very cool. So I bought a CD and sat down and started to drink my diet coke. I began to get an inkling that I might be in a little bit of trouble here.
I took a pain pill.
The lights dimmed and Michael appeared on stage and started singing the old Joe Cocker song, "You can leave your hat on." I love that song and he did it justice. Actually, it was phenomenal! He really has a fabulous voice. Now, as he sings I start squirming in the chair. It wasn't the beat of the music, it was that I had really started to hurt. The music was very loud and my ears were ringing. Isn't that a joke? I love loud music and now it actually hurts me physically. Stupid, stupid stupid!
My boyfriend took one look at me and set the diet coke down on the table and said, "let's go." I tried to be brave and told him I could stay a while longer but he wasn't having any of it. It was almost as if to say, "you've got the CD, listen to it at home." So off we went in search of the car. I hadn't gotten over the first hike yet and now I was attempting it again.
Oh, I should mention, at this point, that I bought the new tennis shoes from Sketcher's that work out your legs while walking. I want to take those fricking shoes and throw them out the window. It's not bad enough that I hurt beyond belief when I walk that far, now I want to make sure my legs are toned while I'm in agony.
We make it back to the car and all I want to do is get in bed and put the covers over my head. I'm dreading the long drive home. I'm very quiet because I hurt so much and I want to put my head back and just close my eyes until we get home.
"I know what! Let's put on the CD you bought and listen to it."
I jumped out of my seat! I want to take that CD and throw it at him. Does he actually think I can unwrap it? My hands are on fire!! Plus, he scared the crap out of me! I told him I'd put my purse in the back seat and couldn't reach it. After I said it I felt bad so I turned slowly in my seat and tried to reach my purse. I was feeling around the seat trying to find my purse. It was then he turned on the radio and the song, I Gotta Feeling by the Black Eyed Peas. The volume was about 300 decibels and I jumped about a mile!!!!
My grimace of pain had now become a snarl.
The only thing that kept me from doing bodily harm and causing absolute mayhem was the fact that we were in a car and that he had tried to keep me doing this. I had the grace to keep my mouth shut during the ride home and realized that I have a screw loose for even thinking I could do this. Normally, it would be no problem but when I hurt like this I shouldn't be trying to sit for hours.
While it lasted (for about 5 minutes) I did have fun. But I do have a screw loose.