Chronic illness: the invisible shackles that bind us. It's been said that we "acquire" Fibromyalgia due to stress. What they fail to acknowledge is the stress that chronic pain brings along with it.
One of my favorites is agreeing to something social. Now, in the back of my mind I'm thinking, "should I put several caveats in the agreement so I don't look like a no-show again?"
It seems that everything is a fight. Not a physical or verbal fight but a fight of circumstances. You feel like you are fighting against the immovable object. I was driven, competitive and work obsessed. Then I got slammed and it all went out the window. When you have to redefine yourself....well, it isn't pretty. We go from mach 2 to ZERO and that takes its toll. That alone brings all kinds of stressors. Most of the people I know define themselves by their work and I was no different.
I was in New Home Sales and loved it. It took a long time to get over the fact that I would never man a sales office again. There is a lot of climbing stairs, movement and memory involved. There are days that I still have a tough time dealing with it, not only because of the income, but I loved what I did.
So, back to feeling like cow plop.
When I have something I want to do it's kind of a crap shoot whether I'll go. If the pain level is manageable...of course I go....but on any given day....well, that's up for grabs too. Weather seems to bother me and it's been haywire lately.
We want to go away and the stress of traveling is just one more thing. When you can't sit for more than 20 minutes and it's a five hour flight......what do you do? I don't love flying on the best of days let alone the worst of them. Just to get the bulkhead seats I had to get a doctor's note and show medical records for a reason that I have to sit there. Then the humidity levels are much higher than they are where I live......I'm just hoping that I can sit my fanny on a beach and not care how much pain I'm in.
Did we say stress? It seems that everything has stress attached to it. It may not be overt but it's still there. Why? Because we cannot fly by the seat of our pants anymore. Every little thing has to be planned out and accounted for......and even then it may not work out. I get so tired of being tired and in pain. I want to shake it off and have pain-free fun.
I want to get out and call people and enjoy life. Now, I'm afraid that I'll be a big drag because I just can't do what I used to do. Pain, fatigue and nerve damage.....did I say stress?
Everything revolves around me.
That used to be a good thing,
Now, it's a pain in the fanny.
Notice I said fanny.