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A small glimpse into the world in which I live

Posted Jan 07 2009 6:02pm

As I wrote that headline my high school English teacher popped into my head and she would be proud of my correct usage of the English language.  Sorry, Ms. H - that’s all for proper English today :)

I was thinking this morning about how different my life is from what I would call “normal”.  The other day I posted an update on my Facebook saying that I was sitting up and breathing.  A client emailed right away and was extremely concerned about me!

Here was my explanation:

On days when I really am feeling like I have nothing to be thankful for, I tell the Universe that I am happy to be sitting up and breathing.   Sometimes in the middle of my pain, that’s the only thing I can muster thanks for.

The past couple weeks have been slightly less comfortable than an eternity in hell.   I am tapering off my current sleep medication so I can start another one later this week.  And without meds to help, I don’t sleep.  I linger in that place between utter exhaustion and death.   I can feel my body trying to do what comes naturally and rejuvenate itself, but the next second I’m wide awake.  I don’t dream when I’m on the sleep meds, so during the few hours I am able to sleep each night my dreams are amazingly vivid - jarringly so.   But they are short-lived as I’m hovering around 4 hours of sleep per night for the last couple weeks.

Needless to say my body is falling apart - my hair is falling out, I look like hell and my mind is fuzzy.  I have to limit my physical activities. I was outside today for what felt like the first time in months.  I participated in a community group event on Saturday evening, and made it through the entire thing on fumes.  Mind you I didn’t do much more than sit around and chat.

The pain meds make my IBS about 1000 times worse than normal - so it’s a trade off.  Do I want to feel moderately good and spend the day “indisposed” or feel like hell and leave the powder room once in a while?  Some days, that is a really hard decision to make.

We have had to make some changes to our house to accommodate me.  Yeah, that doesn’t make a girl feel crappy!

I don’t like tv’s in bedrooms anyway, but when hub was away, I had the tv in my room.  But that meant that I really didn’t have a lot of motivation to leave the room.  So the tv went back downstairs to sit in front of the treadmill.  The dining room has been shifted around to accommodate my computer armoire for the business as we don’t have a dedicated office right now.   We’d love to have one, but that would mean major renovations to the basement, and we just are not in that place right now.

So the small things are what I’m working on

I’ve been making an effort to haul my arse out of bed every day.  Mornings used to be a cuppa coffee in bed while reading the paper.   All the kids and dogs would pile in and hang out.   And though I loved that, I had to get out of bed and move, however little I did that!

So I’ve made it to the couch.  I’m not literally stuck in bed all day.  I am so lucky that I work from home and can set my own hours around how I feel.  My laptop is indispensible.   My couch is comfy and fits me, the laptop, a giant quilt, 3 dogs and a couple of kids quite well :)

I’m making sure I eat more regularly since I tend to eat more when I don’t sleep well - it’s all about the comfort.

A little bit each day.  I’m hoping that once I start the new sleep meds, I’ll be able to feel better.  I’m glad that fibro is not progressive - just a consistent and constant annoyance! Oiy!



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