This is only a little bit about fitness and health, maybe not much. I have had a crazy last few months and I am not sure where it all leads but one thing that I have really noticed over the last few months is that I seem to have been repressing lots of feelings and have pushed down my emotions.
I think this really started a couple or three years ago when I started struggling with panic attacks and with the help of a bit of Luvox I was able to crawl out of the fear and panic. Whew, snuck by that one…
Then we buy a house in the suburbs, and I am set. A wife, two kids, a minivan, a dog and cat and the Canadian dream apparently.
I have written a bit about my daughter with her kidney disease. When we first found out about the kidney disease we didn’t know anything about the journey ahead of us but the whole family fell apart in fear, uncertainty, and doubt. When this happened I knew I had to stay strong and so I took emotions out of the picture and I worked toward making sure I would be able to do whatever needed to give my daughter a kidney.
Over the last year we seem to also be hitting all sorts of terrible money issues, regular family issues, and even a boy down the street getting cancer. I know that this does not all seem to be abnormal, we all have stresses in our lives and problems but yesterday I realized this might now be a problem.
So a couple weeks ago I met with the transplant doctor and he approved me for transplanting a kidney to my daughter as soon as her kidney level drops to 15% (probably in a few months) and he also found a spot on my lung in an xray that he suspects is not cancerous and is sending me for another chest xray in 4 months. Trouble is that I was not as excited as I should be about the kidney, and not at all worried about the spot on my lung.
That can’t be a good reaction.
And then yesterday the little boy down the street died of his cancer and although I feel terrible for his family and there was a lot of tears shed in my house, none were mine.
I am watching Biggest Loser tonight with my wife and daughter and they noticed that the guy on the Blue team, David, was really repressing his feelings and feeling like he was responsible for everyone around him instead of letting others help. My wife and daughter looked at me and said, hey just like you!
So here I am as a writer of a super popular fitness and health blog and I still don’t have it all together. This may or may not be a cry for help but I am betting that I am not the only one around that has these feelings.
So guys, help a guy out. I may seem to have it all together but how do I get my feelings back? How do I let go of control?