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Viewer mail: learning to say no (Kuru giveaway post).

Posted Nov 11 2009 10:01pm

I saw your tweet about drawing boundaries and saying no. I’m terrible at this and end up angry and resentful about all my commitments. I know this isn’t a workout question but wondered if you could email me back?

My entire reason for starting this blog was the hope that, through sharing my experiences, I could save you ( the royal ) from making the mistakes Id made along my healthy-living way.

Things like lifting the same body parts day after day after day or eating 100% fat free ( oops. on both counts ).

It’s that reason why I decided not to just email our reader back but use her question for a blog post.

For me my entire world shifted when I finally realized thatNO is not a four letter word.

I used to be Suzie SaysYes to everything.

Sometimes it was simply because I really wanted to say yes (even though I had too much on my plate) and other times it was because I didn’t know how to say no without hurting someones feelings or causing resentment.

As a result, I spent my 20’s frazzled because I was overcommitted and irritated because I really wasnt interested in doing half of the tasks which filled my days.

And then I had my own little AH HA! moment.

I realized that not only was I doing a lot— and none of it well —- it was a disservice to others if I wasnt carrying out a commitment or favor with a joyous heart.

As the emailer mentioned I, too, was growing resentful and I wasnt hiding it too well either.

I was grumping my way through my days and, for the most part, the people to whom Id said yes either had no idea or didnt care (why should they have cared? I said yes—they didnt force me into anything).

The answer to changing my predicament took a while to find but, when I did, it turned out to be an obvious one:

I never ever say yes to anything in the moment. EVER.

Does an opportunity sound amazingfantastic ( Wanna go to Vegas next weekend all expenses paid? )?

My response is always:

Im not sure—let me check my calendar.

Does an opportunity should like something I should probably do just to be nice ( Can you pick up little Jennie from daycare next Friday?)?

My response is always:

Im not sure—let me check my calendar.

Does an opportunity sound like a stick-in-the-eye but I know I should probably should say yes since Im as poor as the proverbial mo’ fo’ ( Do you wanna write about the political process in Mongolia)?

Im not sure—let me check my calendar.

This approach has allowed me to never feel in-the-moment pressured and agree to things which upon reflection I know I can not do.

Yes ( it is still difficult to say no ). Yes ( I still frequently say yes to things out of a sense of ‘do unto others’ but its done with a joyous heart now ) Yes ( I sometimes use the Oprah trick of “I prayed on it and decided I cannot.” She’s right. No one can argue with that one. ) it can be a challenge to sayNO—-but it can be done & the self-care which results is invaluable.

AWKWARD SEGUE & FLASHBACK TO FREEBIE

Remember this post about the KURU shoes?

please to enjoy this visual reminder:
kuru

Im  happy to announce that Kuru is back and wants to give one of you yer very own pair ( cue applause).

One reader will win a pair of Kuru’s slip-ons ( Rapids, Slipstream or the Draft ) & you can be entered to win for the low low price of a comment below.

Click to the Kuru website and share ( how you have learned to say NO in your own life and) which Kuru model/style is your fave!

USA & Canada only. Winner announced 11.16

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