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The Ghosts of Diets Past (Strong Vomit Advisory)

Posted May 28 2009 10:48pm
Nothing says SPECTACULAR! like a tower of processed pork products!

Mine was a product-centered childhood. Not from any failure on my parents' part but rather because I was one of the first generations to grow up with a television and TV ads specifically aimed at children. Therefore I have many fond memories of various '80s paraphernalia: My Little Ponies and Rainbow Bright (side note: Turbo Jennie wore Rainbow Bright shoes to Hip Hop the other day and 20 years later I still almost died of envy.) were my faves but I also have strong feelings about plastic t-shirt clips, fluffy hair bows, jelly shoes, unicorns and charm necklaces. Tucked amongst these childish things are adult product invasions: Tupperware in brown and orange, melmac dishes, large neon earrings, shoulder pads, feathered hair and very very lax seatbelt laws.

I'd forgotten one my favorites, however, until today. Until Reader Melissa (love you girl!) sent me the link to these old Weight Watchers recipe cards. I used to sit on the kitchen floor and organize these endlessly in the little plastic storage box with dividers that they came with. I remember much time spent in poring over the pictures, the recipes and yes, even, the calories. (See - even then I had food issues!)

And now I must share them with you. Honestly I can't believe this was even considered food, much less "health" food. Be warned: you may vomit.

Consider: first they killed the fish, then canned it for your convenience and now they want you to try and resurrect it before you eat it? And is it just me or do those fish eggs look an awful lot like lemons?

I do not see where the "melon" nor the "mousse" come into this "dessert." But I really really dig the saucers. They actually look more like food than the food product.

Jelly, tomato and refresher are three words that should never be together. Jellied tomatoes? I'm pretty sure they are talking actual Jell-O here. It was the '70s. I'm sure tomato Jell-O existed. If not, somebody call Atrayu, I hear he's got an in.

This enchilada is on a piece of toast. Mexicans everywhere thank the stars for quotation marks.

Here we are again with the Jell-O mold. And purple cabbage. People in the 70's must have had awfully low standards for "perfection."

Well color me surprised: fish bleed red.

These actually don't look too bad except I'm confused about one thing - what exactly is the "caucasian" involved? Can Weight Watchers possibly be promoting cannibalism?? Somewhere Atkins wishes he'd thought of it first.

Whew - good thing they chilled this celery log or it might not look like the disgusting spawn of a sea cucumber and what my dog pooped after he ate a roll of Mylantas. Also, what up with all the pimientos Weight Watchers?

It's fluffy AND it's mackerel. The pudding's just gravy. PS> I love that strawberry potholder.

This is yet another Jell-O mold but this time with the delightful palate-pleasing combo of green beans, 'shrooms and what appears to be ketchup. Note the Mommy mushrooms in the background telling their kid mushrooms, "Now let this be a lesson to you..."

And my number one Weight Watchers Flashback Favorite is... liver pate en masque! Yes, it's Jell-O AND liver! Garnished with radishes!! And a peevish piggy bank!!! Good thing they are including a mask because blindfolded is the only way I'd ever eat it.

So, anyone else tasting their bile? What is the worst diet recipe you've ever made?
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