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Spit............don't swallow

Posted May 14 2009 5:05pm
:o) yes get your mind outta the gutter, I'm not talking bout that... if it was that swallowing would be fine, its pure protein baby...

Nope talking about a fucking mental battle I've had all day, hell all week...

following a ketogenic diet, all in all, its fine, but this week my head has not been in the game... its just been this mental funk since I've returned from Florida and this weather we've had since my return is NOT helping any at all with my mindset.

So today I walk into the break room to fill up my water bottle, I'm hungry, and there are cookies, cake, brownies and the like.. OMG I wanted it and wanted it bad...but I kept saying, out loud, NO NO NO! You have photo shoots coming up in June, a competition in Sept and you want to be your best ever..

so like a spoiled child who did not get there way I sulked back to my desk, got my packet of hickory smoked tuna and while everyone around me is sucking down tasty, sugary carbs.. I am eating tuna at NINE O FUCKING A.M.

I will say once I had something in my tummy I felt a little stronger against the cookies and such... well till lunch time.....

I ordered a salad from our cafeteria, romaine and spinach, no cheese, no croutons, extra chicken, oil and vinegar on the side...I asked them please don't send the apple or roll with it... but it did not arrive that way...

It was like someone else just took over my body and mind for a second... I took a bite of the roll and OMG it was almost like good sex... but then, before swallowing I realized WTF are you doing... and before I could think again.. I ran to the trash can and spit it out, threw the rest away, gave away the apple, and sat down to devour my greens and chicken.

I realize this is the path I've chosen and 99% of the time.. I am truly ok with it, but this week has just been a battle of wills for me... So far I'm winning but I fear if sunshine don't appear soon to perk up my mood I'm gonna kill something or someone.

Maybe a incognito sexual escape would help too... but who am I kidding I'm to picky to just fuck anyone - looks like jack rabbit to the rescue, least till June ;o)
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