NB: this is written by a curvaceous WOMAN, someone who has battled with their weight, career, life in general and then changed for the better. Size zeros stand aside or go eat a chicken wing.
I'm not a size nothing- I'm a size 12, L in those teeny Asian sizes (oh lady you too big for that dress! Ooh and your feet big big big. We no have size 40). I'm a 10 on a good day- even if the dress is f$&@ing hideous you can be sure it's coming home with me- after I've danced in the change room in it. I am imperfect- I don't have fake boobs, blonde hair, washboard abs, 10% body fat. I have burn on my arm and a birthmark on my cheek, my feet roll in, my thighs touch and I LOVE WINE. I spoke about more of my flaws here.
Despite all my "flaws" I've never battled with self confidence, some (well most) would say I have too much. Why? Who knows- maybe it's just who I am maybe it's my upbringing or it could be plain old fashioned luck. Truth be told, I think it's a combo of all 3. I've always been told to make no excuses about who I am, own the room and be the life of the party- no one likes a stick in the mud. I always participated in sports/drama as a child/teen and I loved it. My type A personality means I go after what I want and I'm not afraid to fail. I get back on my horse, learn from my mistakes and go about things a slightly different way. I DEFINITELY don't give a rats about what person x thinks about me nor do I feel the need to impress them. Well that's a slight lie- I care about what people think (EVERYBODY DOES!) but I don't set out to be a people pleaser. No matter what type your personality falls into, it's wise to remember you are your own person and no one can change it.
I am asked a lot how to boost confidence and I really believe that we are all works in progress (WIP). Somedays we hate the world and other day we are soaring. The sooner you realise you are the shaper of your universe the sooner you start to better enjoy your life!
If you asked your top 3 girlfriends what they love about you can be guaranteed they won't list physical attributes. If they do maybe it's time to get some new friends!
A fake tan may help but try my tips to boost confidence (the right way!)
- Set goals based on your needs/wants not someone else's. You don't have to be a fitness model just a better version of yourself.
- Try to talk positively about your self at all times. No more "I'm fat" or "I can't"
- Repeat after me: "I can't control the uncontrollable. Sometimes I will just need to let it be".
- It's actually rare for a woman NOT to have cellulite, saggy boobs or curvy hips. You are in the cool club if you possess any of these.
- Find a partner that is a) NOT a jerk b) confident in their own skin c) loves you without conditions and d) someone who can make you smile daily. You need to look hard- they do exist! You need to be comfortable in your own skin before you let others in. Give love to get love...geddit? - Write a list of things you love about yourself. Revisit that list regularly and add to it. You may only start with a few but in time the list will grow.
- Skip over the pages of the size zero celebs in magazines who say they have body confidence and love their curves! You need curves to love curves.
- At parties/functions: walk into a room and own it. Stand tall & shoulders back! Make eye contact. Ask questions and Be genuinely interested in the person you are talking to
- Avoid FB & twittering when deep in conversations with others. Social media can be very ANTI SOCIAL. Your life's worth isn't about how many likes or comments you get on FB or Instagram
- Don't be afraid to tell people about your success but don't make the conversation one sided. Ask about the other person
- Exercise and look after your body everyDAMNday. If I have to, so do you. Eat real food and avoid sugar have some structure to your eating patterns. Add weight training to your fitness routine as it helps puts curves in the right places
- In our fake obsessed world- be real
- Do a little something that scares you. If not everyday try it weekly
- Ditch your makeup for a least a few days per week (I generally go 5-6 days make up free). You will feel so liberated and your skin will glow. - Encourage your kids to try new things. Sport is a great way for kids to learn to interact from a young age. For those less sports based try drama class. Don't pass on your inactivity and lack of enthusiasm to your kids- that's just plain nasty!
- Make it a goal to make new friends
- A public speaking or drama class can be a great way for shy people to learn tools in confidence. Check out acting schools in your area.
- No one likes a whinger or a negative Nancy! Be upbeat & positive
- Dress for your body shape not just for fashion. Don't be afraid to mix colours and prints or vintage & new pieces. Stop wearing all black!
- Don't get hammered! Slow down your alcohol consumption when meeting new people. Never carry your shoes home. NEVER!
- I don't believe you should take a piece of jewellery off before leaving the house- I generally put another one on!
- Instead of wasting time bringing yourself down and hanging out in wallow town (boring!) do something for others. Give back to charity. I do it- not for accolades but to give a little something back because I'm fortune enough to
- Have fun, get involved. Put aside any insecurities. People aren't generally focusing on you they are concerned about themselves. Chill the hell out!
Remember you are AWESOME in every way possible! Peace out homies x Nat