Just like performing three posthumous miracles will get you sainted in Catholic circles, there is a litmus test to determine true health nuts. While this won’t get you a cathedral named in your honor (but neither will you have to be martyred, so there is that) you will get a metaphorical halo and intestines of burnished steel. What is this criteria upon which much righteous indignation is predicated? Whole grains of course! One’s willingness to replace all their favorite foodstuffs with 100% whole grains is how you separate the healthy wheat from the diabetes-courting chaff.
I jest. But only a little bit. I do believe that the number one get-healthy tip out there goes something like this: “Ditch all your ‘white’ foods and stock up on whole grains.” White rice becomes brown rice, white pasta becomes whole wheat pasta, white sugar becomes brown sugar. And of course white flour, the ultimate sinner, becomes whole wheat flour. (Or almond, rye, rice coconut, oat, buckwheat, millet, spelt or any of the myriad other flours depending on whether or not you eat grains, are gluten intolerant or just enjoy living on the edge by filling those wimpy plastic bags at the bulk bins. )
But what’s that you say? White flour tastes so much better than whole wheat flour? Next thing I know you’ll be telling me brown sugar isn’t really a health food! (You know isn’t any healthier than white sugar, right?)
I’m not knocking whole grains. I love them. I eat a ton of them . But when it comes to certain baked goods, I have discovered through much trial and (mostly) error that there are some you just can’t make with whole wheat flour. For instance, most chocolate things like brownies and chocolate cupcakes will hide a myriad of healthy additives – everything from whole wheat flour to grated zucchini to pinto beans disappears into that dark oblivion without a palatable trace. The problem comes when you need to cook things with a lighter texture. Like, say, angel food cake. This deceptively named dessert happens to be my most favorite dessert ever when topped with fresh strawberries, toasted almonds and real whipped cream. But it also is made up of pretty much only three ingredients – white flour, white sugar and egg whites (themed cake!) – only one of which has any nutritional value. So of course I tried healthify it by swapping out the flour for whole wheat.
It was a culinary disaster such that angels everywhere hung their halos in shame. I wish I had a picture, it was that awful. (It was way worse than The Turd .)
So you will understand why during a recent trip to Costco this caught my eye:
“Whole wheat white flour”?! Wha…? The tagline actually reads “whole grain nutrition. white flour appeal.”
I bought it. (Incidentally, this was not the only impulse purchase I made that day. I also came home with a 2-lb tub of kimchi. Boy howdy do I love my fermented cabbage but not even I can eat 2 pounds of stinky bok choy and chilis. It’s currently residing in our garage thanks to it’s, er, unique scent that was permeating my fridge.) When I got home, I pulled out my newly acquired mini-muffin pans (I love you mom!) and opened up my family recipe book to another dessert I have never been able to successfully healthify: poppy seed bread.
Sure you’d think that anything with the word “seed” in the title would be good for you but this bread is pretty much just glorified white almond cake with little black polka dots of poppy seeds for panache. I adore it. I measured out the flour:
Just like performing three posthumous miracles will get you sainted in Catholic circles, there is a litmus test to determine true health nuts. While this won’t get you a cathedral named in your honor (but neither will you have to be martyred, so there is that) you will get a metaphorical halo and intestines of burnished steel. What is this criteria upon which much righteous indignation is predicated? Whole grains of course! One’s willingness to replace all their favorite foodstuffs with 100% whole grains is how you separate the healthy wheat from the diabetes-courting chaff.
I jest. But only a little bit. I do believe that the number one get-healthy tip out there goes something like this: “Ditch all your ‘white’ foods and stock up on whole grains.” White rice becomes brown rice, white pasta becomes whole wheat pasta, white sugar becomes brown sugar. And of course white flour, the ultimate sinner, becomes whole wheat flour. (Or almond, rye, rice coconut, oat, buckwheat, millet, spelt or any of the myriad other flours depending on whether or not you eat grains, are gluten intolerant or just enjoy living on the edge by filling those wimpy plastic bags at the bulk bins. )
But what’s that you say? White flour tastes so much better than whole wheat flour? Next thing I know you’ll be telling me brown sugar isn’t really a health food! (You know isn’t any healthier than white sugar, right?)
I’m not knocking whole grains. I love them. I eat a ton of them . But when it comes to certain baked goods, I have discovered through much trial and (mostly) error that there are some you just can’t make with whole wheat flour. For instance, most chocolate things like brownies and chocolate cupcakes will hide a myriad of healthy additives – everything from whole wheat flour to grated zucchini to pinto beans disappears into that dark oblivion without a palatable trace. The problem comes when you need to cook things with a lighter texture. Like, say, angel food cake. This deceptively named dessert happens to be my most favorite dessert ever when topped with fresh strawberries, toasted almonds and real whipped cream. But it also is made up of pretty much only three ingredients – white flour, white sugar and egg whites (themed cake!) – only one of which has any nutritional value. So of course I tried healthify it by swapping out the flour for whole wheat.
It was a culinary disaster such that angels everywhere hung their halos in shame. I wish I had a picture, it was that awful. (It was way worse than The Turd .)
So you will understand why during a recent trip to Costco this caught my eye:
“Whole wheat white flour”?! Wha…? The tagline actually reads “whole grain nutrition. white flour appeal.”