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Dear Penthouse,

Posted Jul 03 2008 5:10pm

And all your men’s magazine pals.

I would like to thank you for your wonderful work and all you do for women’s self esteem.

As a woman, this is what I get look at everyday.

Somewhere along the way, magazines geared towards women decided this is what we should look like.

I’m buying clothes. I want a picture that is going to show me what I will look like in this little underwear. Not something that will show me what i would look like in it if I weighed less, was a few inches taller, had the littlest legs in the world, no ass, and just for good measure: perfect hair.

But then I remember you, beloved flesh peddlers. I remember that your magazines are geared towards what men want. Men do not want bones. Men don’t want women that push away half eaten salads. Men like curves.Men like real women.

And boobies. Can’t forget the boobies.

I remember that Kim Kardashian’s Playboy spread was one of the most talked about in recent history. Why?

That’s why.

This is the body that men can’t stop talking about.

Kim Kardashian gives me hope. Her giant ass that makes men melt, and leaves dropped jaws in it’s wake, is my inspiration. If she can become famous for a huge butt, (and sex tape, but we’ll gloss over that) then perhaps I can rock some shorts without spending hours positioning myself just so, in order for my thighs not to dimple.

Victoria’s Secret expects me to believe tankinis were made for this woman.

Phew, I almost wore this same outfit today. Glad I changed or that could have been embarrassing. Especially because they would have split because I HAVE AN ASS and don’t like it painted with tin foil.

You may objectify women, but at least you are straight forward.

The message I receive from your mag: Look at this body: its sexy. Muscles are good. Real women are good. Curves are good.

The message I receive from women’s mags: Look at these clothes. You will never look as good in these clothes as this model. But for $6,000, you can try.

We still have a long way to go, but you have come the closest to consistently celebrating a real woman’s body.

So, Penthouse and company, thank you for doing your part to remind us what is sexy: a healthy, feminine figure.

Which includes boobies. Can’t forget boobies.

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