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the seizure mommy and the questionnaire

Posted Jan 06 2010 12:00am

A seizure mommy friend (whom I consider kindred. And extraordinarily funny!) is also heading down Transition Lane. For some comic relief (is my stress-ness that obvious?) she forwarded me her (witty-licious) responses to the questionnaire she was given to help guide her daughter's placement. Any/all names have been changed (if you don't like them...blame Bristel!).


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Ask her to point to nose, ears, hair, feet"... Does she point correctly to at least seven parts?


NO


Does your child make sentences that are three or four words long?

NO


When you ask "what is your name" does your child say both first and last name?

NO


Does your child kick a ball by swinging his leg forward?

NO SHE IS TOO BUSY TRYING TO EAT IT


Does your child jump with both feet leaving the floor?

NO


Does your child stand on one foot for a second without holding on to anything?

NO SHE STANDS ON MY FOOT FOR A SECOND WHILE DECIDING WHAT TO BITE


Draw a line from top to bottom. Ask your child to make a line like yours. Does she draw a single line in a vertical direction?

NO SHE ATE THE CRAYON


Does your child thread a shoelace through a bead?

NO AND WE ARE ON OUR WAY TO THE ER TO GET THE BEADS BACK OUT OF HER


Can your child draw a circle?

NO SHE ATE THE CRAYON


Can your child draw a horizontal line?

NO AND WE ARE RUNNING OUT OF CRAYONS AND HER TEETH HAVE MULTICOLOUR SPECKLES


Line up four objects in a row. Does your child copy?

NO AND SHE HAS ONLY CRAMMED TWO OF THEM IN HER MOUTH THOUGH - GO ROSEBUD!


When you say seven three does your child repeat the two numbers in the right order?

NO SHE SMILED REALLY CUTELY AND PULLED MY NOSE


After she draws a picture does your child tell you what she drew?

NO WE HAD NO CRAYONS LEFT BUT SHE DID EAT THE PAPER - GO ROSEBUD


Does your child use a spoon to feed herself with little spilling?

NO SHE USES A SPOON TO PRACTICE BITING


Does your child push a little shopping cart, stroller or wagon steering it around objects and backing out of corners if he can't turn?

NO SHE GRABS THE DOLL OUT OF THE STROLLER, BITES HER, AND CLIMBS ONTO THE STROLLER TO LICK THE HANDLE


Does your child put on a coat jacket or shirt by herself?

NO BUT SHE CAN DRAG THEM AROUND THE ROOM BEFORE EATING THEM


Using these exact words ask your child "Are you a girl or a boy? Does your child answer correctly?

NO SHE FARTED


Does anything about your child worry you?

DID YOU READ THE ABOVE???


The above is a subset. I wish they had asked me a few I could have said yes to. Just a couple of nice ones even. Its so depressing. Rolled at 4 months, sat at 6 months, crawled at 9 months, said addie at 10 months for Daddy, walked at 12 months. First seizure at 12 months.


Thank you so much epilepsy for stealing so much from my healthy 12 month old. And to think we have it good...

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