I’m not going to grow out of my epilepsy; it’s a harsh truth that even now, almost seven years since my diagnosis I find difficult to come to terms with. The fact that some people grow out of their epilepsy is something I find a lot of people have heard, and so I am asked quite often “will you grow out of it?” or even “but you’ll grow out of it” to which I have to explain that although you can grow out of it, I won’t.
Juvenile Myoclonic Epilepsy (the type I have) is the easiest type of epilepsy to control but it also comes with the burden of being a lifelong condition, so although I will hopefully reach a point where I am completely seizure free, I will never reach the epilepsy free point that some people are lucky enough to manage.
In some respects I’m probably lucky, I’m never going to have to deal with the ‘what if’ situation. I’ll always be on my medication and not have to run the risk of coming off it and having a seizure because my epilepsy isn’t in fact gone completely. It’s a sure fact that I’ll always have it and so maybe in that way it’s comforting.
However, on the flip side, there is the downside of knowing that this is me, forever. I have no problem in admitting I find myself incredibly jealous reading of those who have been lucky enough to grow out of their epilepsy or where the chances of them doing so are high. I find the best way to cope with that situation is just to not think about it – the Jane without epilepsy - because it’s never going to happen.
This is part of who I am, and I just have to accept it. Just some days it’s harder than others.
I wish I could be as positive as you. I'm 18 and I started to have jerks when I was 14. I guess I have a more negative attitude because no body in my family believed me when I said that something didn't feel right with my body. I finally took matters into my own hands and self-diagnosed myself. I hope that I can eventually think the way you do. :)