Hey there! I’m not going to lie, this week seems to be going by pretty darn slow. Maybe it’s because it hasn’t stopped raining here in 4 days. Little boys are cranky on rainy days… and tom boys are too. The kids are going crazy in the house. It’s a little sad, they look out the window gazing at their bikes like a long lost love.
I had 30 minutes to get a run in yesterday. (Rainy days are perfect weather to run… on a treadmill.) This run, I actually did a warm up mile. Not on purpose… I ran a mile then had to stop to go to the bathroom. When I came back I had a great run. I felt stronger, faster, just great. I think I need to do this ever run. I usually just jump right into a 9 minute pace. (which is my normal pace right now.) Yesterday I did 3 miles. 1 @ 8:30, 1 @ 8:20, 1/4 @ 8:30, 1/8 @ 8:20, 1/8 @ 8:00. All on a 1 incline. This was probably the fastest I’ve gone for a full 3 miles. It made me feel pretty darn good.
I have to talk to you guys about something so let’s move on to WIAW.
So, I’ve come a long way when it comes to food. I’ve learned to not obsess, not stuff myself (everyday… still working on this) not to care so much about what I look like, to enjoy everything. That being said, I must confess that lately I’ve gone too far on the “I don’t care what I eat” side of things. Yesterday was the first day in a long time that I felt a little out of control with my eating. Life and recovery are all about balance. It’s been well over a year and I’m getting SO SO close to finding the balance that’s right for me but I’m not quite there yet.
For breakfast I started off with what I’ve been eating almost every morning now… Cereal.
Now… Cereal used to be completely off limits to me. If I bought I box, it would be gone in one day. (Binge/purge trigger for me.) I’ve been doing very good with it the last month. I usually buy Kashi cinnamon harvest or vanilla island and that is easy for me not to eat like crazy. Yesterday, I had vanilla chex. They are so good and contain so much sugar I had trouble with stopping myself. See the measuring cup in the back round… I did attempt to eat only a serving or two…
After breakfast is when we went to the gym for my amazing run. When we got back I cleaned like a mad woman trying to get everything ready for our move this month. The next time I looked at the clock it was 1pm. I got out a little snack…
That’s when the hunger really hit me. It just seemed I couldn’t get full. Maybe because I didn’t eat anything after my run? Maybe because I went too long in between breakfast and lunch? I made lunch right after my snack.
My salad with blue cheese, yogurt Caesar, hot sauce, and a little balsamic. It was really good but not filling. That’s when things went down hill for me.
Normally, I wouldn’t worry about snacking, wanting something sweet or processed pretzels but yesterday I was seriously out of control. I was eating to feed some other feeling I had. Maybe stress? A bowl like this wouldn’t bother me but I’ll confess to you guys (Because I’m not perfect) I ate the ENTIRE box of cereal. Josh got one bowl yesterday morning and the rest of the box was gone by the time he got home. I felt miserable. I felt tired, stuffed, and I was STILL craving sugar. This finally set in with me that as much as I “don’t care” what I eat… I really need to cut down on the sugar. I don’t want it to start taking over my life like it did in my past and I don’t want to binge and I don’t want to go back to my ED ways. I think it’s important to know your limits and too much processed and sugary foods definitely push me in the wrong direction both mentally and physically.
So I’ve decided to cut down on the sugar. I’m going back to oatmeal for breakfast for a while and if I do want cereal it will be a kind lower in sugar. I’m also going to cut down on the processed foods like chips and crackers. I need to get brown rice and quinoa back into my life. I love them but I guess the easy grab and go, easy and cheap, life has gotten too comfortable for me.
For dinner I made my favorite… Brinner! Oh how I love brinner.
I tried to make things a little better for dinner and made eggs, whole grain toast, and hash browns… but not regular hash browns I used one tiny potato and the rest of spaghetti squash. I baked the squash, shredded it and added it to the potatoes with a little flour and then pan fried them in coconut oil. I loved them. Josh… not so much.
So, that’s the deal with me right now. My eating has been a tid bit out of control in terms of sugar, carbs, and processed foods. My mind is still in a good place and I’m glad I can see what I need to work on. Food for me is not about weight anymore, it’s about how I feel. I don’t feel good when I eat too much sugar or when I eat too much of anything for that matter. I don’t want to play with the kids, I don’t want to run, I don’t want to do anything but sit on the couch. I don’t like that feeling at all and I’m sure the kids don’t either. But this what my life and my journey is all about… learning my limits, my balance. Anyone that’s every struggled with an E.D. or their weight in general know… It takes time. So just smile through it and enjoy getting one step closer to figuring it all out.
Have a great Wednesday everyone!
Question: Brinner… Love or no?Sugary Cereal… Love or no?What do you do to keep busy when all it does is rain!?