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Who’s Going To Build Me My Own Arc De Triomphe?

Posted Sep 27 2012 12:00am

Seriously, I kinda feel like Napoleaon and I kinda feel like I need an Arc De Triomphe .

Okay that’s not the most flattering picture of my face but I’m not a photoshop genius.

At my office, someone brings in snacks every Wednesday.  Four people take turns (once a month) for four months then we switch people. Yesterday I needed to provide wonderful snacks to my hungry co-workers.  After examining the budgeted limit ($25 for 30ish people), I ruled out buying bulk bagels, donuts, etc from restaurants because it’s expensive so I hit up Wal-mart.  I decided to purchase mini bagels (pretzel, whole wheat, and plain), mini blueberry muffins, mini chocolate doughnut holes, butter, and cream cheese.  Like a good girl, I watched my co-workers eat all my delicious food while I enjoyed my delivered breakfast and lunch.  Towards the later afternoon, I could NOT stop obsessing about those stupid doughnut holes. It’s the time of the month where chocolate becomes medication.  Finally I gave in and ate the two remaining doughnut holes.

ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH was my immediate reaction.  I instantly started berating myself for being weak and reaffirming that I will never lose weight.  I made myself feel like sh*t.  So I started looking at the remaining bagels and muffins which I quickly moved into the kitchen for the rest of the office.  On my way home, I just wanted to binge ie the whole I’ve already ruined my *diet* so why not just keep going.  So I kept bribing myself:

  • You can binge but you have to workout first
  • You can binge but you have to shower and do your hair first
  • You can binge but you need to drink two glasses of water first
  • You can binge but you need to read first

And after the reading, the desire to binge dissipated.  I ate my dinner when I got hungry, went to bed, and woke up feeling ah-mazing!  Though I’ve talked myself out of binges, I’ve never eaten an extra 200 calories (yes, I checked the nutritional content) and kept myself from bingeing.  Normally, I’m a once you pop, the fun don’t stop kinda gal.  But this time, I stopped and I learned a lesson.  I learned that I’m not dieting or restricting.  I’m learning how to eat again.  Maybe I didn’t physically need those doughnuts but emotionally, I kinda did and ya know what, occasionally that’s okay.  I ate my two doughnut holes and stopped.  I got my fill (even though I initially wanted more).  Even when I stop abusing food as a emotional crutch, there will be times I overeat from a variety of reasons or eat two extra doughnut holes: this is “normal” eating not perfect never eating outside of my meal plan.  Life’s frankly too short to not eat chocolate (enjoy it).  


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