What is the difference - if any - between "I can't" and "I won't"? Our
eating disorder will tell us there is no difference. And there isn't,
when we are listening to the eating disorder voice, because when we
listen to Ed, we are not in charge. We have abdicated our power to Ed,
and we no longer retain any power of our own to ponder, to consider, to
decide whether we truly can't do the hard work of recovery, or whether
we are simply not yet willing to.
In his authorized biography upon which my favorite movie, A Beautiful
Mind, is based, Dr. John Nash likens his recovery from paranoid
schizophrenia to "putting his mind on a diet". He says that he still
hears the voices, but he just chooses not to acknowledge them - not give
them any power - anymore.
Where have you been giving power and voice to thoughts that sabotage
your recovery and undermine all that is worth living for in life? Which
voice have you been listening to? Are you SURE that you really "can't"
follow your meal plan/be honest with your support team/resist the urge
to binge-purge-restrict/just say "no" to that mean voice in your head
that wants you to fail at recovery?
Where have you been telling yourself "I can't" when the simple truth is,
you are just scared, and you need to acknowledge that you CAN. You
must. And you WILL.