Where do you turn to find trust when ED proves untrustworthy yet again?
Posted Nov 20 2012 9:59am
is fear that has said its prayers. As one door closes, another bigger and better
door opens even wider and beckons me to enter. One season always gives way to
another—I can trust in the ebb and flow of nature what I am only now learning
to trust in myself. -Quote from Beating Ana
I trusted ED for a long, long time.
He was lying to me the whole time, but
I didn’t know that. So I placed my trust in ED wholeheartedly, believing all
those years that what ED was telling me was the truth.
ED has lying on his conscience. I – you
– do not.
There is nothing to be ashamed of in
believing a liar. We all do it from time to time. But you will start to feeling
ashamed – just as I did – once you KNOW that ED is lying and you continue to
pressure yourself to believe him.
You may try to continue believing ED
because it seems easier. There is less mess, less fuss, less anger from ED,
But there is so much MORE anger and
conflict within you that after awhile, it just isn’t worth it anymore. This is
because you have finally realized that YOU are a truth-teller, and you value
truth over lies. So you will become angry at yourself for continuing to try to
believe ED’s lies over your own truth.
This is WONDERFUL. This is a sign of such
PROGRESS in recovery.
So when you start to feel that inner
conflict, that inner pressure, don’t run and cower and hide in fear, thinking
that ED will win. Understand that that inner pressure and conflict is your own
courage, gathering steam, mustering all of your own resources for the total
break into independence that is brewing up ahead.
It is a wonderful day when you realize
that all ED has is lies – while you have the golden immeasurable treasure of
truth on your side.
can you bolster your courage and encourage yourself to hold your ground when
that inner pressure builds? How will you remind yourself that this pressure is
a sign that you are winning independence from ED so you can remember to hold
fast through the conflict and break free from ED for good?