Health knowledge made personal
Join this community!
› Share page:
Search posts:

waiw: strong thoughts, strong body

Posted May 16 2012 7:37am
Hey all, 

This week has been a huge challenge for me. In terms of Ed I have been failing majorly, but I think that it's just a giant learning process and is yet another step in recovery. 

I could choose to look at this weeks slip up as a negative thing or I could see it as something to learn from and do better with. I chose the latter. 

(Thanks to Jen at Peas and Crayons for putting this together every week!)

I'll just go out and say it: I have been restricting big time for the last week. It has a lot to do with the fact that my exercise has dramatically decreased. I have had one too many rest days and that is when Ed came crashing through the door telling me I must not eat too much! Grr. 
Anyways, while working out today (my first official workout since last Monday gasp!) I kept repeating to myself over and over "strong, strong, strong". Ed was raging in my head, yelling at me that I have gained so much weight and that I must be skinny, skinny, skinny, so I had to scream back at him. 

I have to keep in mine that I don't want to be fragile and weak anymore. Been there, done that. It never got me anywhere but in hospital beds. Wouldn't I rather be strong and healthy and be able to run and lift and do everything I want? Durr yes!!
Sometimes I forget what my goals are and that is when Ed takes over. He tries to sway me back to his goals for me, but I won't have it. 
Get the fuck out of my life, Ed. I have my own goals now and you are not one of them. 

*********************************************************************************Anyhoo, moving on. 

I think that from this week I have learned many things, but the most important being that I can and will accept my body for what it is and continue to become stronger no matter what Ed says or does. 
I must keep pushing forward and fighting Ed with everything I have. 
I keep telling myself that everything will be worth it, even if it looks completely hopeless right now and I feel shitty about everything. One day all of this pain and torment will be worth it. 
It will be worth it when I can go out to eat with Ben and not worry about what I can or can't order. It will be worth it when Ben can cook for me without my Ed thoughts screwing everything up. It will be worth it when I am looking into my future daughter or son's eyes and can thank myself body for providing me with such a wonderful miracle. 
On a different note...
I read an article today about body image and working out and such...I found it through Vanilla Bean Lean who posted it on's from the blog Lift Big, Eat Big . So good, go read it!
Post a comment
Write a comment:

Related Searches