This post will surely be full of whining because, sigh, I’m siiiiiiiiiick! Sorry, but that’s about as informative as the news content will be in this post.
I have a stupid flu bug thing. Any time I stand up, I immediately feel dizzy and run to the toilet and empty my stomach’s contents. Even worse, if I try eating or drinking anything, it comes back up within a matter of minutes. At this point, I know I am dehydrated, but what’s the point of drinking anything when it won’t stay down?
I hate being sick. Hate it, hate it, hate it. What a nuisance.
I am writing this mostly because I am tired of staring at a TV screen and feel incapable of anything else; thus, I am staring at a computer screen instead and attempting some organization of thought. It seems like a step in the right direction toward normalcy.
If I could sit in bed and do the rapidly-accumulating heaps of homework and research I must work on as final projects fast approach, I wouldn’t mind as much, but I can’t focus on a damn thing and that leaves the work just sitting there as I lay on the couch or the bed trying my best to ignore it. (And I apologize if this post makes no sense ’cause I’m not really focusing on it, either.) The perfectionist in me still thinks I can and should do some work while I’m just laying here, so I’ve tried on a few occasions to open a book and read. I haven’t gone past the first page of one chapter.
This is NOT like the days of intentional purging, which I frequently think of when I am unwillingly praying to Porcelaina. This is not a release of emotion, a reaction to starvation. It is, on a basic level, the same action, but with completely different cause and effect. With bulimia (and I may eventually regret saying this), there is some sort of internal award that is felt after purging, whether it’s the feeling of cleanliness, relief, or whatever else. With involuntary vomiting, it’s a bunch of feeling like crap followed by more feeling like crap. This isn’t fun. Bulimia isn’t fun, either, but not in the same way.
One of the great ironies I experienced when I was purging was that my body’s likelihood of getting a cold, flu, or infection was much greater. I’m sure that malnutrition and the harsh effect of purging had something to do with bringing my immune system down, but Angelique over at Breaking the Mirror recently had another musing as to the cause of this: bacteria. We expose our throats to a nice heap of germs when we put some kind of object down our throats to induce vomiting (hands-free purgers need not apply). Who the hell knows what’s on them, no matter how well we think we’ve cleaned them. That’s pretty scary. So it’s no wonder that purging causes more illness when the body is run-down and exposed to even more germs than usual.
I’m sure the reason I got sick this weekend was because my body was run-down — not from a lack of nutrients, but from working too much and not getting enough sleep. I pushed my body hard and now it’s pushing back. It never ceases to remind me that I am but a mere mortal. So if there’s anything I will learn from this weekend as we approach a very busy time of year, it’s this:
For those of us in the U.S., Thanksgiving is this week (and I am working on another DT post that addresses this, so stay tuned). This inevitably leads to the kickoff of the holiday shopping season and the rush it entails leading into Christmas. If you’re like my mom, you’ve already done your Christmas shopping online and it will all be delivered by Thanksgiving. But for most of us - even those of us who got a head start this year - we won’t be spared from a couple frenzied trips to the mall for a few last-minute items. Then there’s that thing about decorating. And special activities related to the holidays, especially for those with kids. And parties with co-workers and friends. This is a busy and stressful time of year and everyone wants a piece of your time. Try to prioritize what is really necessary and what isn’t. Don’t be afraid to say no.
Work hard, but don’t push too hard. Know your limits and stick to them. Don’t take that extra shift or project at work just because it will bring in more bucks. Sure, we could all use more money right now, but when you wake up one morning and can’t get out of bed because your body feels like shit, it won’t be worth it. You’ll end up calling in sick anyway and then the whole idea is moot.
Students: End-of-semester projects are mounting, as you all very well know. It sucks. It seems like we don’t have enough time for any of it. Being sick this weekend has set my anxiety through the roof because I know i am in dire need of using this time for schoolwork and it’s not going to happen. So I am telling myself this: do what you can when you can, and your best will simply have to be enough. It won’t be perfect and that will be okay.
Overall, sanity is numero uno. Take care of number one. You can’t take care of anything else unless you take care of you. That’s your top priority.
And those are the thoughts of a girl that is presently stuck in bed because she didn’t follow her own advice. Take care of yourselves.