This is What Eating Disorder Recovery is All About
Posted Mar 13 2011 1:27pm
When I was a kid, my favorite drink was Apricot Nectar juice. I loved it so much and would drink it every day – whether it was at home, in restaurants or on the run. I became known for it and people would order it for me in advance.
Then came the day when I found about CALORIES. I also found out about diets, what food is good, what food is bad , how many calories to consume and why drinks like apricot nectar juice are a “waste” of calories.
So for almost a decade I stopped drinking apricot nectar juice – as much as I loved it, it went into the “bad” food and drink basket and it became a forbidden item. The eating disorder approved items were salads, water, diet coke, black coffee, plain protein, vegetables with no condiments and nothing which contained carbs.
Poor apricot nectar juice, full of carbs, was banished.
It took me 10 long and miserable years to figure out that the apricot nectar was not the problem, that the problem was the actual dieting, restricting and my thoughts.
I moved to the US a few years ago, where apricot nectar juice does not seem to be as popular as it is in Australia. Then several days ago I was in a local grocery store and what did I see in the fridge? Apricot nectar juice! I bought a huge bottle and was so excited.
I went home and poured the drink into my glass and became overwhelmed with gratitude. I realized that this is what recovery means – being able to eat and drink whatever you want without the guilt, fear of weight gain and obsession around it.
What Eating Disorder Recovery IS
During the decade of my eating disorder, this is secretly what I wanted. To be completely free of the obsession, to eat and drink whatever I wanted and to experience complete freedom. All of this, plus a stable and normal weight – which I have maintained for 4 years . Did the juice add any weight? NO! Does any food really make you fat – I really do not think so.
It is the obsession around it; the constant restricting then binge eating that is ultimately the cause of any weight gain and the despair of an eating disorder obsessed mind.
I wanted to share this story with you because this is what I think recovery really means and this is the way that I live today. I wish this same sort of recovery for everyone.
Please feel free to drop me a line, ask a question or share a milestone that you have experienced in your recovery.