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The struggle a year later

Posted Oct 27 2011 12:20pm
I have made a decision today, and the decision is this: I want to live.  I can no longer go on with the daily committee in my head telling me what I need to be eating and drinking today.   Telling me to stop at this place and that place,  to calm my nerves after a hard days of work or whatever else the committee speaks to me about.  I can no longer live with the feeling that tomorrow is another day in which to start my diet.
More than a year has passed and for me when I really sit and think about it,  that is a long time of letting this addiction  to continue on with out intervention..  I can't do this anymore. I have to find recovery and I have to find a peace of mind with in my heart about this issue.
For the last year or so I have been totally floundering in dealing with food addiction.  Whenever I tried to find help or speak to others about it,  I was told you have been in recovery before you can do it again.  You would think that was true on paper.  The issue is I am totally helpless and totally powerless of dealing with my food addiction.  I am learning again that its a matter of surrender and a belief that my Higher Power can help me with this surrender of giving up the food that is addictive. Also what the triggers are for me, that cause me to eat in volume and nonstop. 
I remember when I had recovery I didn't have the choices I have now.  I had a certain food plan, and I followed it day by day, reporting my food to my sponsor, also calling others in food addictiion and reading my literature.  I had a structure and in reflecting about all of that, I was pretty happy with this way of life.  I have asked my Highest Power to take away my cravings today and to help me to see what options I have for myself as someone who is dealing with food addiction.  I heard you aren't someone, you are Peg and you need help.  Don't be afraid to talk to others in the program,  for they are willing to help .   Don't be afraid to let your guard down, so you can honestly get into recovery for your illness. I have done this and I have spoken to someone who I respect and is a leader in helping others with food addiction.  I appreciate to be able to get to this point where I have taken a look in finding recovery again. At this point I have plans to get back to this program and let the decisions of what I am to eat be only what I have written down for food intake today.   Sometimes I have to reach bottom to do something about my food addiction.  This blog talks about the struggle in the last 2-3 years.  I am happy to say that this blog will speak about the recovery I have now surrendered to.  Self pity is getting me nowhere....This disease is horrible and I personally hope that no one has had to deal with it in the way that I have dealt with it.  My food today is  BREAKFAST  OATMEAL, BERRIES, TWO EGGS AND YOGURTLUNCH IS GOING TO BE 2 CUPS OF SALAD AND TUNA WITH MAY AND RICE.  DINNER 4 OZ SALMON,   1 CUP OF RICE MIX AND 2 CUPS OF CARROTS AND GREEN BEANS.  METABOLIC WILL BE 1 CUP YOGURT AND 6 OZ FRUIT.....Have a wonderful day...
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