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The Hunger Games Diet, by Jezebel

Posted Mar 22 2012 7:47pm
Of course I'm spending $19 a ticket to see The Hunger Games on Sunday.  Of course I am. 

Because I read 1-2 books per week (yes, I know that sounds insane) I actually read the trilogy a LOOONG time ago.  I also read all of the other post-apocolyptic/future-America-looks-awful books like Divergent, Enclave, Birthmarked, and more.  Also I am 28 and that's probably a little sad slash weird.  I was way ahead of the Gossip Girl curve as well, having read those books years before the TV show came out.  Nerd alert.

But as this blog is primarily about dieting, being fat, and complaining, I thought I'd keep my Hunger Games tribute to the theme of weight loss, I give you, The Hunger Games Diet  from my favorite people over at :
  • District 12 isn't real. Instead, move to a deindustrialized coal town in the Ozarks where food and happiness are scarce. Learn to hunt, but don't get too good at it! Remember, you want to get thin and a propensity for missing your target can only help.
  • You may not be able to find tracker jackers, but you can find good old-fashioned bees. Let them sting you until your throat closes up. It's as good as a jaw wiring, though you will likely die.
  • Put on the most beautiful dress you can find, cover yourself in gasoline, then light yourself on fire. Not only will this make you like Katniss, the Girl on Fire, but it will also make you burn mega carbs as you run around screaming for help.
  • With the help of a partner, set up a reward system for food. The only time you get a snack is when you A.) outrun a pack of dogs or B.) kiss a boy in a cave.
  • Live in a constant state of fear. Not only will all your hair fall out (gah, hair weight), but you will always have worried diarrhea— a great way to cut down on bloating and shed fast pounds!
Click over to the amazing Jezebel for more excellent articles and the most hilarious comments sections of articles on the interwebs.
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