So Dr. H (and her fantabulous Keurig!) loves metaphors. Yet another reason we get along really well. We were discussing my upcoming move, and she said:
"Your parents have really been like your training wheels, providing extra support and stability for you. And this move is kind of like taking off those training wheels. It's both scary and exciting."
It's 100% true.
I didn't have my dad take the training wheels off my bike until just before my 8th birthday. He took them off once before, when I was about 5 or 6. I remember starting to coast down our steep-ish driveway, gradually picking up speed on my training wheel-free bike. I went to try and brake at the bottom, and I couldn't. The brakes work, I just panicked. And so I kept on coasting down the lawn and finally into the swing set.
I survived this escapade with only a few bruises, but I also had my dad put my training wheels back on my bike. It was too soon, I was too scared, and I just couldn't do it.
It took until my friends were always racing around on their bikes to push me into taking those damn training wheels off. As it turns out, my biking skills were just fine. It was my confidence that needed some nudging.
And now, too, that is the case. I know how to eat. I'm not an idiot. I do, however, have trouble believing that I can do it, that I can get better. I'm not trying to convince myself that everything is fine, and I have nothing to worry about. It's just that my self-doubts have often gotten the better of me in the past. Maybe I did need those literal training wheels for several extra years. I know I definitely needed these more metaphorical training wheels for the past 1.5+ years.
I also know that keeping these training wheels on for longer isn't going to make me any more ready to strike out on my own. You can't really learn how to ride a bike until you take off those training wheels.
There are safeguards, certainly. I'm not moving to the moon. I have a plan, I have a therapist, I have a lot on the line. I'm motivated. It's exciting and terrifying, all at once.