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staying grounded when those around you are throwing a fit

Posted Sep 15 2013 2:38am

Laura, it's a good question you ask- how to avoid getting drawn into the scene of people around you who are throwing unhealthy fits.

So, I'm going to try to answer that with an image that may seem strange- but i think it works. It actually works as an image for life in general.

But first, a couple things you can do when you're hanging around and people are throwing unhealthy fits. If possible, you can try to remove yourself- you know, step out of the office for a minute, go get a drink of water, walk around the block, text a friend, stand in the hall and breathe.. because getting out of that situation is the best way. However... we can't always remove ourselves when we want to... so...

So, on to my image. I was yakking about this earlier in the week which is what made me think of it for Laura's question.

Think about yourself as a Coke bottle (and, no, it doesn't have to be a Coke bottle, and I don't get paid for promoting or endorsing Coke- although, don't you guys think i should??... it just happens to be a bottle pretty much everyone can imagine...).

Ideally, your own personal Coke bottle should be filled with your own personal Coke. Sounds reasonable right? Because you'd want to have your own life
with your own YOU.

You want to possess your own life. That's the best thing. And it feels the best- calmest, most stable...

And how does this help when you're hanging around people who are throwing fits? Well, sometimes our Coke bottles either spill out their Coke or they get filled up with other people's Coke. What the heck am I talking about? I mean that sometimes we lose track of ourselves or we in effect become overly concerned by what we think others want for us or what they tell us they want. It's like our own Coke gets displaced by someone else's.

And this feels awful. And not particularly stable. Like you aren't in charge of your own life or self. Like you're not in the driver's seat... and, one of the things that happens then is we don't feel grounded, and we can get pulled into situations we don't want to be in.

If we are in this state and happen to be hanging around people who are throwing unhealthy fits, we can become extra stressed, feel like we have to fix things, feel responsible, feel we can't escape, and feel as if we ar somehow responsible... to name a few things that can happen.

Laura, I don't know if you feel as if losing track of being grounded is at least partly why being around "fit throwing people" is extra bothersome. I do think that trying to remove yourself from those kinds of situations is your best line of defense. But if you think this Coke bottle image is at all at play here, you can (as we all ought to) pay attention to making sure "your own Coke" stays put where it belongs- so you get to feel grounded and in charge of your own life and surroundings- and the feelings that go with them.

You can also practice this "being filled up with yourself" thing anywhere- the beach, the shower, the office, school, a roller coaster... because you want to have your own life filled up with your own self 24/7/365


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